S2EP6-Blanka Falk- The Transformative Power of Motherhood

Herb: 00:00:19

Today I have the pleasure of introducing Blanka Falk. Blanka is an inspiring author, podcaster, mental coach for mothers and the proud mother of for herself.

Her personal transformation from a career focused woman to a full time mother has opened her eyes to a completely new perspective on life.

Not only has she grown internally, but she has also come to understand the profound importance of bonding with her children and fostering their development.

Blanka firmly believes that every mother has the ability to nurture strengths, resilience and personality of her children by consciously embracing her position as a mother and tapping into her full potential. To support this, Blanka offers her services as a mental coach.

Through her own studies and extensive experiences, she guides mothers on their journey to inner strength, enabling them to raise confident and resilient children. With her book, Hilfa Erdemoter Help I'm Becoming a Mother.

Blanka laid the foundation for her journey which eventually led to her podcast, Renewed Motherhood.

Today, she supports mothers worldwide through her mental training, helping them find their identity as mothers and build strong, loving relationships with their children.

Kristina: 00:01:30

Blanka, we are so happy you're here joining us today. Welcome to the show.

Herb: 00:01:34

Thank you for being here. It is a pleasure to have you.

Blanka Falk: 00:01:37

Thank you very much for inviting me. It's my pleasure.

Kristina: 00:01:42

So the audience might hear a different kind of sound a little bit. Where are you coming from? We would like to introduce. Our guests are coming from.

Blanka Falk: 00:01:51

Yes, I am from Germany, the north of Germany. It's close to Wolfsburg. It's the manufacturer of the VW car. So. So it's quite in the north.

So you will hear my accent and my dialect and I won't do anything right, but I do my best.

Kristina: 00:02:15

Yeah, you do everything right. I love it and I love pointing out the accents because it's one of those things that bringing education home. Our podcast has become international.

We've had people from Germany, we've had people from South America. We've had, of course, a lot of Canadians and a lot of Americans. But we've been all around the world now and it's just amazing.

I personally love accents and I personally love how we get to interact and share our love of family and our love of children all the way around the world. So that's why I pointed that out. Just because I'm so excited that, you know, as parents all the way around the world, what are our first priority?

Usually to make sure our kids are happy, healthy and successful. And that's why we love bringing people like you onto our show. So thank you so very, very much.

Blanka Falk: 00:03:00

Thank you very much. Yes.

Kristina: 00:03:02

So Your bio kind of talked a little bit about why your passion and your transformation from, you know, a career person to a mom and things like that. But was there one specific thing or one little moment that you can really think of that really was the catalyst for this change?

Blanka Falk: 00:03:20

Well, it. It was growing, you know, with my first child, with my first baby, I thought I could do it both. I can have my career, and I can have my baby.

So I was a tax consultant, and so in the accounting and laws, and I thought, I can do my work from home, no problem. I have my baby, she's sleeping, and I can work. But it didn't work out this way.

So I had struggles with her because she didn't sleep well, and I was tired all the time. I was completely overwhelmed. And I thought, oh, how can I go through this? So it was. I was thrown to quit my job, really.

Kristina: 00:04:10

So.

Blanka Falk: 00:04:11

But it's. It's a decision you make with your partner together. Right. So we both discussed it, and he just said, let's go for this. So do. Just be there for.

For our child, and I will do the rest. So. And I thought, okay, I can't. I couldn't even do it because I got health issues, and it get. It got worse, and I ended up in the hospital.

And so it was. It was a really hard time. The first baby.

Kristina: 00:04:43

Yeah.

Herb: 00:04:45

Yeah.

So having a first baby that doesn't sleep well, that you think, oh, I got this, and suddenly there's this little human that depends on you, and suddenly it's like plans that you think you've got going on that might not necessarily be the main thing going on right now. And being tired for your first baby.

Blanka Falk: 00:05:01

Wow.

Herb: 00:05:01

That never happens to us here.

Blanka Falk: 00:05:06

Yes, I can imagine.

Herb: 00:05:07

That must be a specifically German problem, right?

Kristina: 00:05:11

I don't think so, my dear. Yeah. So, yeah. Raising two boys of our own, I totally get that.

Because I was in the classroom, I was teaching, so I only had off the six weeks, eight weeks or whatever, you know, before I had to jump back into the classroom.

So I had that very short maternity leave because when my boys were born, we didn't have the privilege or the availability of the extended leave that Americans do now. So moms have gotten a little bit of a breather. They have a little bit more of a chance and a choice now when their first babies come.

But I totally understand that. Being tired, trying to handle it all. Exactly. Yeah.

Blanka Falk: 00:05:51

Yes. And the health issues were what really got me thinking. Okay.

Because every time that I was thinking about my tasks in my job, I got inflammations in my body, so. And I, I decided to breastfeed my baby.

Kristina: 00:06:07

So.

Blanka Falk: 00:06:08

And I thought, this is my one and only. I, I would go through this, all the pain, it doesn't matter, I will do it. But I couldn't. So. And this was.

Yes, that was the, the change really to say, okay. And it was a hard decision, I really can tell you, because I thought, okay, I wanted to do my career. I wanted to go forward. I wanted to.

Oh, so many views inside me, so many visions. And then with the baby, it was changing.

And I first thought I would lose so many things because giving up my life that I could envision how it would be. And now jumping into the unknown, the insecurity. I don't know what I will do. I don't know how to handle everything with a baby with first time num.

And so there is no construction book coming with the baby, so you have to figure out how to do everything. And I thought, wow, that's tough. And there was always the voice inside. But you can get back one time. You will get back. But I've got four kids now.

Kristina: 00:07:31

Yeah, so that's what I was going to ask because at one point you said, oh, it's my first baby, but it's going to be my one and only. Were you only kind of thinking you were going to have one child and then suddenly there's for. Or did you always suddenly.

Blanka Falk: 00:07:45

Suddenly, yeah, suddenly they just came to me. Magic happened, right? Well, yes and no.

Well, I, When I was, when I was thinking about my career, I thought, I can't handle more than two kids, so two is enough. One is good. And I thought, okay, one might feel alone. So I don't have any siblings, so I know how it is to be alone. Okay, she will get another one.

So.

But giving up everything and joining motherhood and really embracing the position to take the responsibility for my children, this was the biggest growth that I could make and this was the best decision that we could make. So this was the change, really. It transformed a transformative way into motherhood. Really. I couldn't imagine before.

Herb: 00:08:46

Right. Because people. Because even now you say you, you gave up your career and, and you make it feel sound kind of like a sacrifice, but it's not.

It's actually finding a real purpose because, you know, all people on this earth came from women. It's like there, there's no other way people get here. That is like an incredibly, incredibly important thing that, that, that women do.

And somehow in our culture now, they've Taken that away and make, make people feel like a career is more important than, than bringing the new generation of humanity into the world.

And so really what it sounds to me like what you're doing is you're finding like a real true purpose and the humanity of the, the humanness of, of being here. And, and you stepped into that role.

And so once you stepped into that role, how did that, how, what is that transformation like, stepping into that role and embracing that role? How did that change you? And how did that make you feel?

Blanka Falk: 00:09:50

Yes, how did that. Well, you know, you, you bring certain qualities with yourself into this position as a mother.

So, and I first thought, okay, now I gave up my career and I gave up all my knowledge. I can't use the knowledge anymore. But I did so much effort to get there and now can't use it. No, that's not true.

Because what you can find then is the quality behind your knowledge. So what did you have to use to get this information? What is it that you are having inside of yourself? What are your values and everything?

This brings up the personality of yourself. And you can still use this and expand this whilst being a mother.

And this is even better for your children because you can pass this over to them too. And I think that's the beauty of it. And I know so many mothers around me who say, oh, I have to go back, it's so boring.

And I thought, wow, it's not boring for me. Well, even with two kids it wasn't boring because I was doing researches in alternative medicine in everything that goes around life.

So how can I give healthy food? What do I need for myself for healthy food? If I like to breastfeed? So how can I nurture my children best?

What kind of development are they going through the different stages from birth to say three years old, what do they really need so that they can develop best?

And this was a lot of research that I did and I was always doing something, it was never boring whilst I was changing the, the nappies and everything. So it was. Yes, a full time job, just.

Kristina: 00:11:58

Yeah, exactly.

And I love how you said that, you know, go back into all of the drive, all of the motivation, everything that you did to get your academic knowledge right. Now you're replacing that and putting that into nurturing your children and learning about how to make them grow and be the best they can be.

I love that because a lot of people do have that issue. They're like, oh, I am not using my career knowledge anymore.

But you're right that deeper innate Value that you got you there in the first place is now transported into the mom.

And that's kind of where we wanted to go with our conversation today was what are some of the things that you did learn and figure out about how to nurture those kiddos from birth to about 3 years old?

Herb: 00:12:42

Before you get into that, though, I, I kind of want to bring up that, you know, going through high school, going through college, and then moving into business myself, it's like I didn't use anything that I learned in high school or even in my business, my college business degree. When I got into business, my business said, okay, that's great, you can learn, but here's all of the stuff that we have to do in our business.

So everything that I did in school for the 16 years I was in school was basically thrown away as soon as I got into the workforce. And now here's how you do what you're going to be doing.

So, so the idea that, that you're, that you wasted your time or you threw all of that away, even, even if you don't go to college, most of the stuff that you learn in high school isn't necessarily applicable now anyway. So you're not, it's not just motherhood that, that, you know, you didn't lose anything.

Because everybody goes through that is like, well, why the heck did I go through all of this in school if I don't get to use any of it?

Blanka Falk: 00:13:49

Yes. But, you know, you, you're changing from business to private. And then you think, okay, it's gone now. It just, it feels like it is, but it's not.

And you can only figure out if you step into this, if you really do the step, and to say, okay, let's leave the business behind and let's go into private, into private, into family life and figure out how family life can be. So, for example, we really reflected from our parents how they were treating us and what we liked, what we didn't like, what we like to change.

And for example, we are just, yes, a few weeks until Christmas now. We changed our tradition here and we changed it, I would say, to American tradition, but it was just because a feeling of it doesn't feel good.

So we celebrate Usually in Germany, 24 December is celebrated very big with having dinner with family, with all the gifts and traditional Christmas tree and singing and celebrating. So. And we thought, no, we are Christians. Well, there are many Christians around us. And. But we thought, no, it's a holy night, so it should be calm.

And then we said, we make this night really a calm night. And to say, okay, our children will have their gifts on the 25th.

So in the morning, they can open up their eyes and go into the living room and see what's going on there. So we were in our environment. Many, many people were looking at us and saying, what are you doing? He said, yes, but that's our way.

We live this because we love this, and it's a change, you know, and you. We. We wouldn't do this, wouldn't have done this if we. If we hadn't children. Because we wouldn't think about it.

Kristina: 00:16:08

Yeah.

Blanka Falk: 00:16:09

And this leads to another path. And yes, this was just a very early example, and we made our mind about every tradition here. What do we think about it?

Do we want to go with it, or do we make too much changes? Or how do we like to handle this? And you can make this with almost every day to say, okay, how do you like to your day to be with your children?

What shall they learn? What shall they experience? And what I figured out is the com. Yes. Connection to nature was just ours.

And we said, okay, let's go out with them as much as we can. Let's have them experiences outside to really. To catch everything and to put it into the mouth. The sand.

I know my second daughter, she was just eating sand, and I was first. Oh, what's she doing? But hey, it won't kill her. It's an experience. She did. Yes. Of course, I stopped her at one point that. It's enough.

Kristina: 00:17:30

Exactly.

Blanka Falk: 00:17:31

But there is nothing, Nothing serious going on. If they can experience this and are guided from their parents to see. Okay, they're in a safe place. Place.

This leads to a better connection to the parents and to the ability to learn better. Because in their brain, the development starts.

Kristina: 00:17:56

Yes.

Blanka Falk: 00:17:57

And all the connections inside. And that's what they need so that they can learn better. Right?

Kristina: 00:18:06

Absolutely.

Blanka Falk: 00:18:06

We now know from. From neuroscience. I didn't know this 20 years ago almost, but I just.

I just did it because stepping into intuition is the one thing that we should do as mothers. Well, as fathers probably, too. But fathers have got a different job to do. So I think intuition is the best thing.

Kristina: 00:18:31

I love that you were talking about making sure that the children have experiences, because leaning back on my teaching and working with children, actually, they learn. They start learning how to read before they're even in school.

And the reason why is because they're developing their eye skills, they're developing their coordination, they're expanding their vocabulary. All of those Things that are necessary to be a good reader they're doing when they're so little.

And by giving them those experiences, by interacting with them, by letting them explore the world, then they are building those skills so that when it is time to actually do the formal reading, then it's easier for them to do that. Yeah, absolutely.

Blanka Falk: 00:19:13

Yeah.

Herb: 00:19:14

And the human body is also very interesting because sometimes things that seem gross taste really good sometimes and then they really don't taste good at other times. So by eating sand, I, I grew up out in the woods.

Sometimes by eating stuff off of the trees and getting things dirty and eating them anyway, they, they tasted better because there's minerals and there's positive, positive bacterias and things sometimes that, that your body say, hey, that was really good for me. Let's put more of that in there.

So sometimes eating that sand and eating that dirt, while it seems kind of gross, is actually really beneficial to the human organism as well. So, you know. Yeah. To, to adults it's like, oh, don't do that.

But I used to encourage my kids to go out and play outside and get dirty because that's how I grew up and I was pretty healthy about it.

Kristina: 00:20:04

Yeah.

Blanka Falk: 00:20:05

Yes. And even to say, okay, it's rainy outside, still go outside.

And what I did is really to, to go together outside so that they can see, oh, mom is not having any trouble with rain, so why should.

Herb: 00:20:21

I. Shaking her head, yes. Look at her shake your head. Yes. She's like, it's raining, we're not going out.

Kristina: 00:20:28

I don't particularly like being cold and wet. So, you know, you're right. Yeah. But you know, do as much as you can to give your kiddos those experiences. Absolutely. Yeah.

So we had many, many experts on that, talked about kind of our school age kiddos and our teenage kiddos and things like that. And one of the things we haven't focused on a lot on our show yet is kind of that early stage of birth, like about 3 years old.

And I know you've had a lot of experience, you've done a lot of research on how to like nurture and really make sure that the moms are getting connected, the dads are getting, getting connected and what's really good for our children. So that was one of the things I wanted to talk with you today.

What kind of tips or what kind of ideas can you give some of our parents is like, how can you build that really strong connection? What can you do to really nurture that really young child who needs so much but yet are Also learning so much at the very same time.

Blanka Falk: 00:21:24

Yes. So first, what I. What I have mentioned is breastfeeding. I think this is the first bonding, really. And it's so crucial.

So if you can do this, I think almost every mother can do this. Sometimes we need some help. Sometimes we need someone who's. Who is showing us how to do this Exactly.

So that we can progress, so that we can do it alone. So. But sometimes it's just easy.

And I would like to encourage every mother to breastfeed because it's not only bonding, it's nurturing with all the vitamins, minerals, all those things that they need because their immune system has to develop first. And we always think, okay, the baby has got an immune system. No, it's all in the stomach, in the gut. So.

And it has to develop and it needs this bacteries, those good bacteries coming from mother milk. And so this is the best and has got so much other benefits to really. To.

Yes, to recover from your birth and to build those oxytocine with this hormone. This is a bonding hormone too. So this is the connection to your children.

And if you can connect very early, this will be a great path if they come into puberty. So connection is really important. And always stay together. So don't give your baby away. What we did, well, we were a little.

We did so many things different. So our baby was sleeping in our bed, for example, so we love this. So I was able to breastfeed very quickly. If she woke up, okay, come on.

And I could sleep again. So it was. For me, it was the best way to fall asleep again. And I carried my children, for example, a lot.

So I didn't place them somewhere and went away. Because if they are very young, if they are babies, if they can't see you, they. They can't feel you. They.

They think they're alone, but they are not because their conscious mind hasn't developed so far. They could not say, okay, mom is in another room. No, she's gone. I can't see her. She's gone.

And to make your baby feel safe and secure is the best way of bonding to the connection. To stay together and to say, you can develop because I'm creating the space for you, the safe space that you can develop yourself best.

And playing together, if they are little grown up, play together. This is so crucial really to interact, but not to say, okay, you have to do this and you have to do that.

Let them play and then go into their realm and say, okay, what's going on in your head. What do you think? What do you feel, what do you say? And just go with it. So it's not from, I know it better, but instead I'm coming to you.

And this makes them also feel very good. And there is the connection coming from.

Kristina: 00:26:54

Yeah, and that's so important because that connection, because like you said, as, as they grow, as they move into puberty and all these other life changes, if they have that strong connection with you and as a family, then they feel that safety and the security. Yeah. And I love how you said get down on their level and see what they're interested in. Right.

We always want to stimulate our children and give them opportunities to explore new things, but see where they're gravitated and go with them with it instead of just, oh, here, try this. Here, try this. Right?

Blanka Falk: 00:27:25

Yes. Right.

So we have to step back, I think sometimes to really to say, well, I consider my childhood children, they have got their talents and I'm here as a parent to develop those talents, to make the space that they can develop it. So I like to remove everything that's going on into their ways.

Not to say I'm doing everything for them, but instead really to say, okay, if here is a boundary, what kind of boundary is this? Is this necessary for your development or is this something that is preventing you from your development? So it's my position as a mother.

And here again, you have to develop yourself too. You can't stay from those woman that I was before I had my children not knowing everything about family. But develop yourself into this position too.

So if you can grow, your children can grow and you can grow together. And that's the beauty of it, I think.

And actually this is crucial too, to really to go down to their level to see, for example, if they have got a tantrum and they are just screaming and everything. And in young years, that's their only expression. And we have to think about this. They're not there to make us feel guilty or feel uncomfortable.

It's their way of communication. Hey, something is going on here. I don't feel comfortable. Maybe I'm hungry. Maybe I'm. I don't know.

So if they're a little grown up, they can communicate better. But if they are very young, especially as babies, right. They can't. So they scream, of course. Okay, mom, please, I need your attention.

That's the only thing that they are saying. And then it's up to you to find out, okay, do you need something to eat, drink something, or do you Do. Are you cold? Are you too hot?

Is something just inside of your way that you don't feel comfortable? Is it too loud? Sometimes they're in an environment that is just overwhelming and we have to. Yes, they are not.

Little adults that can really absorb that can say, okay, I don't like to have this. I don't like to have this. If they are very young, everything goes down into their subconscious mind. So. And every noise, every color, every.

Their senses are open because they want to learn, they want to develop. So senses are needed. But if we overstimulate those things. Yes, of course they start crying because they. Oh, just confused, don't know what to do.

And then as parents, we have to see those things to really. To find out. Like a detective, find out what's going on.

Herb: 00:30:35

Yeah.

So we had children when we were in college, and we remember our children would be asleep and people would come over and be like, oh, we got to be quiet because the children are sleeping. It's like, no, you don't. We would take them to basketball games and they would fall asleep in a crowd of cheering people.

We, we would go to the, like the cafeteria at the college sometimes. And that was an interesting thing because I would walk in and I. I would hand my son to the first lady that I saw.

And then we would go eat and take a break.

And then when it was time to leave, we would look around the room for a group of girls and then go over there and find our kid and grab our kid and leave. So.

Kristina: 00:31:11

So it was a small college. It's not like a big university.

Herb: 00:31:16

Yeah.

Kristina: 00:31:17

And yeah, we were very friendly with all those.

Herb: 00:31:19

Yeah, so we knew most of the people. Yeah, we like, knew everybody there. So it wasn't like we were handing them off to a strange crowd. Right.

So we would see our friends and we would go get our kid back from our friends because they were like, thrilled to be able to play with our son while we were having food. So, you know, small community like that, so, you know, our kids were also.

They weren't over sensitive to the noise because that was part of their natural environment as well.

So I've also known people whose houses were so quiet that if their kid was sleeping and you make any sort of noise, the kid would like, wake up and start screaming. So I was able to see both sides of it.

So we were like, no, we'll just have noise around all of the time so that the kids won't have that sense of, of startle or that sense.

Kristina: 00:32:05

Of, oh, it has to Be quiet to sleep.

Blanka Falk: 00:32:08

Well, you know, we are all individuals, Right. So it depends on your own expectation or your own boundary. How much can you yourself really adapt or how can you handle it.

If you like noise around yourself, if it doesn't matter, your children won't probably too. But if you are a person, a personality, who says that's going on a little too much here? Hey, you can only give what you have. Right.

So I think, well, it depends on.

So we were people who were saying, okay, we like to go in nature and there is not so much noise, not so much lights going on and off and everything inside. Like a city where everything is crowded or. So much. Yes. Noise and lights and everything.

So we stayed away from this because we are not these people who love this. So. And, but it's not. If I look back, my children are not those. The first one, yes, she likes it calm, but the second says, okay, where's the party?

Kristina: 00:33:21

You know, they have their personalities and their own things and they don't always match up with the adults. Right. I mean.

Blanka Falk: 00:33:27

Right.

Kristina: 00:33:28

Yeah.

Herb: 00:33:29

And I did grow up in a really, really small town out in the middle of nowhere. So whenever we went home to my parents house, it's like, no, no neighbors anywhere close. When it gets dark, it's like dark.

There's no lights, there's no sounds. And we, we, their kids loved that as well. So it's like they, it wasn't, it wasn't always noise or always quiet.

There was a, there was a good balance in all of that. So they were able to find what they liked as well.

Blanka Falk: 00:33:53

Yes, I think that's it. Right. It's the balance. It is not to overwhelm, not to over stimulate, but to. Yeah. Sometimes they need. Sometimes they need. Definitely. I think.

So you can't have it only very calm around you and be quiet. And if you got guests, please don't speak. Because the baby could awake. No.

Kristina: 00:34:15

Right, Exactly. Yeah. So how do you deal with four children and different personalities?

Because that's one thing that we talk about with families, especially when we're talking about homeschooling and things like that is like, I've got four children with four different needs of either learning or expressing themselves. Talk a little bit about how you deal with four children, four different personalities.

Blanka Falk: 00:34:39

Yes, that's. That is a little challenge. It was, it was okay with my husband, but my husband passed away two years ago. So now I'm doing this on my own.

And it's a little stretchy.

Kristina: 00:34:53

Yeah.

Blanka Falk: 00:34:54

Even if my, my older ones are 19 and 17 now, but they're in the position of discussing everything. And how do you see this and why isn't this this way? And mom, I need your attention, really. So, yes, it's an energy exchange that they still need.

And it's on another level. Right. So with my younger one, she likes to cuddle a lot and to, oh, mom, I haven't kissed you today. Something like that.

I think to keep it natural to say, okay, who needs what without overthinking everything. So really, to. To let it flow because it's. We are family. We are all together. And everyone knows that each person has got different needs.

And their siblings, they know each other very well, so they know who needs what. And sometimes the. The sisters, the older sisters say, oh, mom, you don't know what the youngest is doing with you.

And I said, yes, I know, because the little princess.

Kristina: 00:36:18

Right, the princess, Yeah. A little manipulation, a little extra. Oh, I need this.

Herb: 00:36:24

Yeah, I'm the baby. Gotta love me.

Blanka Falk: 00:36:30

Yes. Right. So. But I think a lot of humor helps inside of the family.

So if you don't take everything too serious, really, and to say, okay, let's zoom out of our life and look what we really are doing here. And we all want to live together and we all love each other, so let's focus on this more than on issues that everyone has.

Herb: 00:36:57

So, okay, so now I'm going to tease you with a broad stereotype because, you know, Germans are known for their humor.

Blanka Falk: 00:37:09

I know, I know, but you know what? I'm. I'm a little more Croatian than German.

Kristina: 00:37:18

I love it, but I love that point of view. Right? Take, don't take things so seriously. Take a step back and relax. And it's like, yeah, it might be an issue, but what fun can you find out of it?

Or what glimmer, what light, what goodness can you find out of this thing that is causing a little bit of stress right now? Right. Take it in stride, like you said, keep it in flow, moving in and out of not so good to the good.

Try to make sure it's being in the best positive light.

Blanka Falk: 00:37:47

Yes. Right.

Kristina: 00:37:48

Yeah, I love that. Absolutely. Cool. So one last thing. So when they're little, when they start getting into education and learning and things like that.

I know our education systems are different in Germany and, and here, but what was one of the ways that you were involved in your child's education? What was something that you really thought was, you know, I really need to know about this or I really need to make sure that this is happening?

For my child.

Herb: 00:38:12

Yeah, because you, you brought, you, you came at this through like, oh, I had to get rid of all of the stuff that I learned. But then you took your realization of how you learned and brought that into your family. How did you pass that on to your children?

Was it, was it just through modeling or was there a conscious move into, into bringing this kind of ideas or thoughts to your children?

Blanka Falk: 00:38:35

You know, I'm a strong believer in being the role model. So what I'm doing, they are in the early years, until I think the seventh year, they are still copying. And what I'm doing, it's on another level.

It's not that they see something and say, okay, mom is doing this, so I have to do this too. But it goes unconscious. And if you're connected, they just adopting your personality.

So not your personality, but your qualities that you are having and you are providing. So, for example, I didn't do anything to say, okay, let's learn those simple letters so that you can read.

But I did a lot of reading for them together, looking inside books and discussing the pictures or discussing the story behind so that they can get a feeling of it. And it's to encourage them to read, for example, because there are so many beautiful stories and so many fantasy going on.

And it shall stimulate the fantasy, I think, not only to give them information about how to handle this, how to do that, but to be creative. And I think the creativity just produces itself, the learning. And that's what I did with my children to really.

To say, okay, we don't watch TV so much, very rarely, and instead I read books with them and. Or I did. So my eldest, for example, she's. She was the. Oh, she. She read all the books from the library from our city here.

It's a very small city, a very small library. But when she come back and she said, I can't find a book anymore. So what? No, I read them all. Say what?

Kristina: 00:40:45

That's a good problem to have.

Blanka Falk: 00:40:48

Yeah.

So we went to a bigger city so she could get more books because her bookshelf is full with everything and she was just reading, reading, reading, reading. And I didn't say do this. Instead I was just doing it with her together. And it was such a good time that we had together.

And I think this is the connection to. Okay, I like to discover the story in this book. And the other ones were two. But, you know, each of them has got their niche to go into.

So 1, the number 1 and the number 3. If I place numbers on them, right. 1 and 3 are very similar and 2 and 4 are very similar.

Herb: 00:41:38

So you have your odd children and your even children and your odd children.

So as a, as a mother mental coach, what are, what are the things that you do with moms to help them get mentally prepared or what is that that you do as a coach?

Blanka Falk: 00:41:57

Yes, as a coach. So it's after birth, there are a lot of things going on.

Feeling overwhelmed, like I mentioned, I was going through this and that's the place where your energy drops and this shouldn't have to be. So I'm here to raise your energy. I'm here to say, okay, what is your thoughts going on? What do you think of?

And is this true or is this coming from anxiety? And there are so many things coming from anxiety and from insecurity, and this is actually nurtured very, very early.

Even if you are pregnant, if you go to the doctors and yes, you can do this examination or you can. We shall check this and check that. And do we really have to. So to really make up your mind, what do you need? What do you want?

Because let's face the fact as women, we are here to give birth to our children. It's nature.

Kristina: 00:43:04

Yeah.

Blanka Falk: 00:43:05

Sometimes we forget this and give our responsibility to experts. I don't say we don't need experts. Of course we do. Right. But we don't have to give them everything.

We have to be present with ourselves and to get in contact with ourselves, with our body and our emotion and instead make up our mind, what do we really want? How can we. If there is an anxious woman.

And I say this a lot because some people are very anxious when, for example, when their children are just getting up somewhere, climbing somewhere. Now I know that I was doing when she's. When we want, was climbing very high and my husband was standing there and he says, no, don't be anxious.

She's doing good. I said, oh, I can't see this. She's almost falling down. He said, no, I can see her. She's very cautious.

She's doing very good and she's present with what she's doing. She's not looking somewhere and just climbing. She was very concentrated and doing those things. And she. He said, okay.

I said, okay, so you are going there. I'm going somewhere else. I can't look at this. I passed this over because he was confident in watching her and guiding her.

So I was going with my anxiety somewhere else that this doesn't have passed this to her. Because if she becomes anxious in her climbing she will fall. This doesn't help.

And so I know where the boundaries are, and if you know where your boundaries and your anxiety are, you can handle it. And this is what I want to figure out with the mothers together.

How much can you go until you say, okay, now I need someone, but to this, you have to go. Don't do. Don't say, okay, I can't do anything. Because we can do. And this is. It's just inside of our mind.

Kristina: 00:45:30

Yeah. Oh, thank you for saying that.

Herb: 00:45:33

Whether believe you can or whether believe you can't, you're right either way.

Blanka Falk: 00:45:38

Right. Right. That's it. That's the point.

Kristina: 00:45:43

I love that you said, you know, get in touch with you and your emotions and things, and then instead of projecting that on your child or having an impact, your child, really keeping yourself in check and allow them to be them as well. You know, it's in a balance. Right. And that's one of the things that we say with education as well. Yes, there are experts. Yes.

There are teachers, there are people who are really amazing for your children, but don't hand that education off to those experts. Follow your gut instincts. If something's not right, follow up on it.

If something isn't working, ask for change or ask for help to make it work better. Absolutely. So, yeah, whether they're really little or whether they're in school, those are the things that. Yeah. Moms and parents need to do.

Absolutely.

Blanka Falk: 00:46:31

Yeah. Yes. That's what I like to do, and that's what I. Yes.

And I think always we can read so many books, and I did in the first, with my first baby, I thought, okay, I have to. I just have to read the information, and then I know everything.

But there are so many things that are not written and that are not true, and that didn't help me. So I was thinking, what's going on now? What can I do? You know, you can. You can bring a horse to a water, but you can't make him drink if he doesn't.

So it was similar with my baby. I can't. I couldn't make her sleep if she didn't want to sleep. So.

Herb: 00:47:11

Because even the experts and the stuff they're talking about isn't for every child. It's usually for a majority of children. And so this is for this majority of this children, and this is this majority of this children.

But the traits might be this kid fits in this group, but not in this majority and not in that majority. So you really do need to. The experts have their experiences and they're working towards, you know, a statistical probability of number of children.

But that's not every children, that's not every person, because every child is unique. They come into this world with their own agenda.

They so many people think, oh, they're coming in as a blank slate and I'll make my child what I want them to be. And it's like, no, that doesn't work at all.

Because your children come into this world with their own agenda, with their own personality, with their own. You know, most mother first mothers is like, but I want my child to be like this. And they are so themselves. Right.

So that, that the experts work on, on statistical probabilities of the most children. But no child is that most child in everything. So it's like, you really do need to be able to flow in and out, take the information. It's great.

Hey, this is how most children work. Is this how my children work? For this? Yes. For this? No, for this.

And you have to, to play that, that game of, of, of, of that of finding your children's personality and what works for them and use lots of different experts because if your child is like this, and that expert has that part figured out, great, you can use that. But over here, wow, that there, that's not working for my kid from this expert. That's why I gotta let that go.

Kristina: 00:49:01

That's why I brought up that she had four. Because guess what? All of those different things came into play. Right?

Blanka Falk: 00:49:06

Yes. Okay. But you know what?

Even if you, if you know, okay, I know that this book doesn't help me, it sometimes still makes you feel guilty that you have done something wrong, that it doesn't work. And this is also just in your mind to not make a mistake. Right. So we are so programmed not doing mistakes.

But you can't make a mistake as a mother, not really. If your kid is still alive and is still healthy.

You've done everything right because you are doing your job in this program, in this how you can do it.

Kristina: 00:49:48

Yeah.

Blanka Falk: 00:49:48

You're always giving your best.

Herb: 00:49:51

And so, you know, I, I just want to say that the thing that you're really showing the most is being there for your children, being involved, because so many moms have kids and then check out. But you were there, you were involved, you were paying attention and you were working towards making that better.

So that, that kind of mom that really wants to get involved, that's the best kind of mom. Because, you know, you're so involved in your children's life, you're so invested in It. That. That is absolutely beautiful.

Blanka Falk: 00:50:24

Thank you. Yes. Well, it shows up now in puberty because I don't have these problems.

Kristina: 00:50:31

Right.

Blanka Falk: 00:50:31

So many. So many mothers saying, oh, it's the critical time. It's now. It's. I will have all those issues and all those problems.

My kids are not talking to me anymore. I don't have it. Right. I can. I'm still connected. They come to me, you know, they are discussing a lot.

Kristina: 00:50:52

Yes.

Blanka Falk: 00:50:52

And we not agree with everything. So it's not always a harmony here.

Kristina: 00:50:58

Right.

Blanka Falk: 00:50:58

But they. They are active. They are not somewhere just closing down and figuring out what. How their mobile phone works or. I don't know.

Instead, they are still coming and talking to me. And that's what you want as a parent, right? Yeah.

Herb: 00:51:19

That's beautiful.

Blanka Falk: 00:51:20

You can still be there with them.

Kristina: 00:51:23

Yeah, exactly. Blanca, this has been such a wonderful discussion.

Thank you so much for your insights, your vulnerability, everything that you've shared with young parents, all of the audience, we really appreciate everything that you've shared. Could you make sure that you tell the audience where they can get a hold of you?

So we know that, you know, we're in different countries, but that doesn't matter. There's still good insight. So where can they get a hold of you in case they want to ask you some questions or work with you?

Blanka Falk: 00:51:48

Yes, I'm on almost, well, a lot of social media.

So on Instagram, you can find me actually with my German book title, but you can also find me on Facebook with my name on LinkedIn, with my name on TikTok. I'm not sure. It's, I think, be Phoenix or. Yes, Blanca Fag 4.

I'm not sure exactly because I use those things and I connect with people, but I'm not sure how all those things around work.

Kristina: 00:52:26

No problem. And all of those links and everything are down in the show notes. So everybody just. Yeah, look in the show notes.

The connections are down there for Blanca. All right, okay, great.

Blanka Falk: 00:52:37

Thank you very much. Thank you very much. That, Yes, I had the opportunity to talk to you and I really enjoyed it. Thank you very much.

Kristina: 00:52:47

You are very, very welcome, Blanca and audience, make sure that you have taken some of the wisdom that's been shared here today and take it with you and put it in practice. Make sure your family is healthy, happy and successful by being involved, learning, and reaching out when you need help.

You know, like Blanca said, like we've said, it's okay to reach out for help because we don't know everything right away. Right. But don't give away everything to the experts.

Try to make sure that you're doing that balance of following your instinct, getting help when you need it, and keeping things going forward.

Herb: 00:53:19

And thank you for being here today. You know, the sharing that you do, the information that you're giving, you are now also one of those experts that are helping with mothers.

And the, the message that you have about how important motherhood is, and it really is, needs to be out there, especially in our Western civilization these days, because people have forgotten a lot of what you're talking about.

So thank you for coming and sharing that and, and thank you for, for, you know, it might not necessarily be the most popular viewpoint, but it is so very necessary right now. So, so thank you for being brave enough to come out and share that with us today.

Blanka Falk: 00:53:58

Thank you.

Kristina: 00:53:59

All right, audience, that is it for today. Thank you so much for sticking with us, for helping us out.

And don't forget to leave us a like or review on bringing education home so that we can get it out there to more people and help more families be happy, healthy and successful. Until next time. Bye for now.

Herb: 00:54:15

Bye for now.