S2EP24-Barry Garapedian-The 7 Pillars of Family Success: Insights from Barry Garapedian

Herb: 00:00:19

Today I have the pleasure of introducing Barry Garapedian.

Barry is the president and CEO of Mag7 Consulting, a boutique coaching, mentoring and advisory firm that caters to high school and college age students.

The Mag 7 program has distilled and codified key principles of achievement and paths to success which propel young people to meet their highest potential in all aspects of life and teach the next generation how to develop and maintain key life hack habits, have a positive mindset, consistently and create structure and discipline in life. Barian's passion for mentoring and teaching has been a consistent theme in his Life for over 15 years.

He has volunteered as a career coach at Pepperdine University, having mentored close to 1,000 students over the years. There is so much more in his bio. Fun stuff. Go check it out and read it. We'll let him talk a little bit more about it.

But right now, Barry, thank you so very much for being here. It is a pleasure to have you here. Welcome to our show.

Barry Garapedian: 00:01:19

Herbert is an absolute pleasure to see both of you. And Kristina, I look forward to collaborating and sharing some thoughts.

Kristina: 00:01:25

Thank you so much. Yeah. Whenever we have guests on, it's amazing because we always like to start with the question of why this passion?

What brought you to this point where you're helping families and in your case, the financial, college information and mentoring.

Barry Garapedian: 00:01:40

So it started many years ago. I was on Wall street for 39 years. One company in a major wirehouse.

And the bottom line is 16 years into the whole business, my wife asked for a divorce and we went through the divorce process. Three years we were separated, happy ending. We got remarried. So we are remarried, we're 40 years in.

But something happened that I can share with a lot of other people that I wish I knew I didn't know. And the game really was truly making sure our values were aligned. So we came up with seven principles.

And I called winning the game of life, which starts with family, faith, friends, fitness, financial fun, philanthropy. Those seven pillars go into a written constitution or a family charter. And under each principle are guidelines of how to roll.

We didn't have that in the first 16 years of marriage. If I would have had that would have been a different story.

So that's really what got me into family governance on Wall street then helping the families with their young minds and I call a young mind for 14 to 30 years old. And so with that we did a, I did a lot of consulting with the kids, helping them into schools, internships, you name it.

We got very involved and that differentiated us on the street. So no one else was really doing this. I was a passion of mine, so that's why I'm doing what I'm doing right now.

And I sold my business three years ago, so all I'm doing right now is working with young minds and families.

Kristina: 00:03:21

Oh, that is so awesome. And, you know, it's one of the things that we do with our program as well.

When we start mentoring young families, the very first thing we do is we sit down, we talk about values and goals for their child's education so that they have that base to grow from as they're going through the ups and downs of trying to educate a child in this society and in this world.

Herb: 00:03:40

Yeah.

And one of our main target markets is also entrepreneur families, because one of the things that entrepreneur families are doing is they realize that something's wrong. And so they're. It's like, I need to get out of this race. So they do something outrageous. They go above and beyond, and they go build a business.

And that takes so much more time, money, and effort than they thought it was going to. And they're doing all of this for their family. It's like, this is wrong. I need to get my family out of this.

So they start this thing, and then they have no time for their family. They end up losing their family along the way. And again, that's kind of what happened to us. We were starting businesses.

We weren't communicating properly with our family. We were thought we were sheltering them from problems we were having.

And instead of communicating, instead of showing how we were growing, and then when we had pressure put on us, that that bond broke apart. So what you're doing, very needed.

We talked about this a little bit ahead of time, but you talk about a family constitution, and so where does that come in with your coaching? How soon does that come in?

Barry Garapedian: 00:04:46

Well, first of all, being on Wall street, everyone had a financial plan, but very few people actually had a family constitution. Now, the policy stuff with the estate attorneys, they do that. They do the legal jargon.

We do the soft stuff, the values, the principles, the inner truths. And here's the beautiful thing about the constitution. Anyone can write one. And where does it go? It goes into the shelf behind you.

No one looks at it forever. What we do is we keep it alive. Every month, we have a call to action in a group text to the family on something they need to do.

So we're keeping it fresh. We're keeping the advisor engaged with the family. But it could be something very simple.

One of the things in our Constitution we have under family is that anyone going to the airport, a family member that goes to the airport, a family member must drive with them to the airport, take them to the airport and pick them up. Why? We value drive time. Very simple. It's a guideline.

Another guideline, simple when our kids were younger, is we had them always go and introduce themselves to a veteran and thank them there for their service. A policeman, a fireman. They're little kids. Thank you for your service. They learn this early. That's in our constitution.

Another piece under financial stewardship is we believe in the system of merit, not entitlement. So we believe that you have to work for things. So we didn't want to give too much to them. So that's another piece of having a capitalistic mindset.

We're in the greatest country in the world. You need to work. So those are examples of guidelines. They don't have to be official. There are guidelines. We have a guideline in our kitchen.

We have a bar or something to eat. No one ever takes the last bite, so you always leave a little extra. So it gets whittled down to, like a crumb. That. That's in our constitution.

Little things, they don't have to be official. It's fun. Real things like the ones. I was just saying.

Herb: 00:06:53

So how did you get to this? You talked a little bit about your separation from your wife. Luckily, the back together now for 40 years. We're together for 33. We know.

We know how much work is involved in that and how much joy is involved in that work as well, to make it work. So how. How did you go from there to this? Because it's not just. It's not just, oh, hey, we need to do this. Boom, there. How do you get started?

Barry Garapedian: 00:07:21

It's a. It's a mindset that you're either winning or you're learning. So what did I learn through that whole horrible experience?

And what I learned is we needed to have better communication clearly, and we needed to have structure. We didn't have structure like we have now. So the structure was having guidelines and values written, and we honor them and we communicate more.

So that was the impetus, and then I took it to my whole practice. I mean, I was in business almost 40 years, so the first 16 were. Were.

We were like a rocket ship of everything going up, but then we just were not aligned. The words align you. When you write something down, it becomes quite real. And we also bring this to the kids. I mean, the young minds.

I mean, the young minds are very entitled these days. And so how do we get them to be having buy in? And so there's one narrative that we had and it's very simple. Be relentlessly useful.

Let me repeat that. Be relentlessly useful. And what that means is learn to create value for others. Be a value creator.

So a value creation is material value, emotional value, and spiritual value. But the game is not about reciprocity. It's about getting you to do things for other people and good things happen.

So that was our underlying narrative and it plays huge dividends with the people that we work with, kids, our kids, our grandkids, all that kind of stuff.

Kristina: 00:08:48

That's awesome because what I've heard the, you know, we always hear the term go getter, but a shift on that recently has been a go giver instead. And I feel that that's lining up exactly what you were saying. Make sure you're going and giving a bunch and then it comes back around.

Barry Garapedian: 00:09:03

Exactly, Christina. It's all about being a giver. And that is the game with connecting and also building a network.

And so we will teach young minds how to build a network organically. There's many techniques very people even know about that are actually fun and amazing, which we can get into.

Herb: 00:09:21

Yeah. And something hidden in there that I, that sparks me that we're not probably going to talk about is competence.

So you know that make yourself infinitely useful. How do you do that? You make yourself more competent.

So I can change a tire, I can do this, I can cook a meal, I can make myself use useful in so many ways. Somebody needs help. Hey, I can do that.

Barry Garapedian: 00:09:47

Exactly.

Herb: 00:09:48

So it becomes competence.

And competent people, like truly competent people at life are, are so very rare that if you can make yourself competent in, in a, in a broad range of areas, then that's a tremendous, tremendous tool in advance.

Barry Garapedian: 00:10:07

That's why we go to school. School does a great job with the fundamentals, but they don't teach you how to be extraordinary. They don't teach you to be great.

And the people that I'm working with want to be extraordinary and great. You need to demonstrate you can get through school now what the schools are not doing, I believe a great enough job.

And you guys know that better than anyone.

Herb: 00:10:26

Yeah.

Kristina: 00:10:29

Yeah, absolutely. And one of the things that we talk about a lot is that, you know, we cater to and work with a lot of homeschool families.

And one of the main questions is like, oh, well, but what about college? What about after that? Are colleges looking for. I'm like, yeah, college. There's research and studies out there.

Colleges are looking for homeschool families for these kids who grow up confident and willing to give and willing to serve because they've already had life experiences that our regular education kids aren't having.

Barry Garapedian: 00:10:55

I get questions all the time about is it worth now even going to college, where colleges are anywhere from 90 to 100,000 or more a year. So you're on a tab for 400,000 for four years if you're paying full retail. So the question is, is it better for the kid to go into a trade or work?

It's different for everyone.

Herb: 00:11:16

That's one of the amazing things about what we do and how we help parents go through this, because some kids, the same parents, some of them will go into trade, some of them will go into college, A lot of them will only go into college for specific classes. Because again, we're not teaching school at home. We're teaching a whole new way to do it. And as.

And it's also kind of based on the entrepreneurial model where it's like you. You take a subject, you work on it for six to eight months, you become really good at it. If you want to continue on it, you go deeper.

If it's like, okay, I've got that. Okay, now let's move on. So your kids can get competencies in several areas then. And part of that is also the financial aspect.

So a lot of them start to build businesses as they're in school, and then when they get out of school, it's like, okay, I know I want to do this. And so then they're.

Then their direction through college is pointed and narrow, and they're not wasting money trying to figure out what they want to do. I need this class. I need this class. I need this class. I don't need the degree. I need this information on how to better my life.

And so that kind of aspect on learning and changing through. Through how we teach our parents just. Just changes colleges drastically because they're not going to figure out what they want to do.

They know what they're wanting to do, and they're going through with a purpose and a direction.

Barry Garapedian: 00:12:37

I'll tell you one huge thing that's going on right now that's very, very positive. This is the best time, in my opinion, for kids coming out of school. And I'll tell you why. Years ago, it used to be the superpower.

Used to be iq, then it transitioned to EQ Emotional Intelligence. Now the new superpower is AQ adaptability. Can they adapt and learn how to use these tools, the otters, the chat GPTs, all this incredible tools.

Most people 50 and over are having a real difficult time aligning with that.

These young minds coming out of school are brilliant with this stuff and they can walk into jobs, entry jobs, 70, 80, 90, $100,000 entry jobs now because we're willing to pay for someone that could whip out an article in less than 15 minutes or do XYZ. So I think this is an absolute huge opportunity for the young minds coming out of school.

If they are capitalists and they want to work and a lot of them really do.

Herb: 00:13:40

There's also some really cool things like the Peterson Academy now that's happening from Jordan Peterson where. And they're trying to get that accredited too. So it's like education is changing everywhere. And it's like to.

To stay on top of that, to stay focused and to find out how to. So it's more about growing your life now because yeah, you know, if it's.

Barry Garapedian: 00:14:03

Every kid's different. Some of the kids need the status of going to these schools and a Notre Dame or an Ohio state or a UPenn. And that's important for them.

Some kids don't care. They would rather work, get a trade. I'll tell you trade business.

They make a lot of money doing the things that we need, whether it's plumbing, whether it's electrical. There is a huge value in having a garage door guy come and fix our stuff. So it just depends on the young mind, what their vision is.

And we have every young mind. What we do is we're big on goals, 90 day goals. We're also big on creating a vivid vision board, a vision board of their images of what they want.

In addition to that, creating. That's right, an impossible goal. We want them to think about what is impossible. You want to do impossible, write it down.

Oftentimes when you raise the bar like that, it raises the level. You're thinking differently and scaling. So there's a lot of iterations of how to get there.

K back in: 2000

We're in that same kind of game right now where it's yes, it's gonna take other jobs away. It's also gonna create a lot of new jobs for kids that really are decent with understanding Everything about AI a.

Kristina: 00:15:32

Connection with what you were just talking about is that when I was in the classroom, right, one of the things that I constantly said was I set high expectations and then I would have pushback from parents. Like, well, you can't expect that from a second grader or you can't expect that from a third grader.

I'm like, yes, I can, because I expect it of them. And then they raise up to it. And if they can't do it, then I go back and I scaffold and help them get there.

So they're still building that confidence.

And so that's one of the message we give our parents constantly is have high expectations and then if they can't get there, you give them the help to get there.

Barry Garapedian: 00:16:07

And, you know, simple things that get lost. With the world we're in right now, we have a process that they have to read two books a month.

Yes, we can use audible read 25 books you're going to read this year. Now it's the books you read and the people you meet. Think about it.

Think about the people you met have changed your life or the books you've read that are absolute basics, like a Dale Carnegie book, How to Win friends and influence People as a basic book we read decades ago. Or Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.

Everyone needs to read these books because all about this is still relevant now from the standpoint of visual visualization and imagery of what you think of, it can actually happen.

Herb: 00:16:45

So, you know, it's going to sound kind of weird, but I was really into science fiction and fantasy growing up, and I read a lot of Heinlein. One of my favorite authors is Piers Anthony. Ursula K. Le Guin, like what some of the originals. I mean, I was into that.

Kristina: 00:17:02

You're dating yourself.

Herb: 00:17:03

I, I, I got so much out of how I wanted to be as a person based on science fiction and fantasy, on how the best could be. And so, you know, it's not only just these, these great works of art, Think and Grow Rich, another one out there, Power versus force.

I mean, so many Persuasion, the art of that book pissed me off. But anyway, but, you know, even some, again, go back into, into some of the highlands. A stranger in a strange land.

There's so much information about life in those as well. So, you know, two bucks, two books. I read two books a week. I mean, I was, well, now they.

Barry Garapedian: 00:17:45

Can use audible, so a lot of them don't like to read. So I said, look, here's a strategy. We have a process called when the morning win the day.

So when you're getting ready in your bathroom, pop, you're on an audible. Listen to 10, 15 minutes. While you're getting ready, you're in the car. I would treat the first half of the day as business orientation.

No sports, no music. It's all business centric. So you can get through a book pretty quickly if you're being mindful. 15 here, 20 here, 15 here.

These things are seven, eight hours typically these books. So anyways, that's a big deal. In addition to definitely the biggest issue I see with young minds is one thing, it's their self esteem.

And the only way to improve their self esteem is they need accomplishments, they need victories to get more confident. And so we have to put together strategies for them to go out and do things which are call to actions. So here's an example.

When we do frequently, this is the white belt version. It's called practice going first, meaning you are the first to initiate. You're the first person to say good morning, to shake hands with someone.

First person to smile at someone. The first person in an elevator to ask everybody in the elevator what floor and that person's pressing the buttons.

The first person to pick up a piece of trash and throw it away. The mindset is you're actually demonstrating micro leadership by doing this, going first and it's developing more confidence.

So we would start there and we would have a quota of how many you need to do a day. And they keep score. We create a dashboard, we call it a digital dashboard of things they need to do.

But that would be an example of a very, very basic first grader mindset of the art of connection.

Herb: 00:21:09

This is going to sound interesting, but there have been times where we have been together and I will see something and I will almost get like angry not at the thing that's there, but. But the fact that I'm going to go fix it. And it's like, why? Why you don't do this? It's like, this isn't my problem. Why?

And it's just a compulsion within me because I have done it for so long that I do pick up that trash. We drove by her school one day on a weekend and trash blowing all over the parking lot and was like, what? What was that?

Turn around, went and picked up all of that trash and threw it back away. It's like, why did I do that? No, but I built up that habit because that was a trait I wanted in myself.

And sometimes it's like, don't want to do this, they see it anyway.

Barry Garapedian: 00:21:55

People see that, that you're doing it. And people get out of their car, say, gosh, that's really cool. You're doing that. People see a lot with actions versus, you know, this is cheap.

People talk all the time, show me. So a lot of stuff that is all about show me.

Herb: 00:22:10

And you don't have to feel good about it, but do it. And then later, it's like, you will be rewarded in a way that's like, okay, I got surprisingly felt good.

Kristina: 00:22:21

And I know we're talking a lot about, you know, the young minds, the older kiddos, but I'm encouraging parents with little kids be that role model, show them and have them do these things as littles, because guess what? That's going to continue to grow into their life as they get older. And then they will be ready for the bigger, better when they get older.

Herb: 00:22:39

Yeah, when we went places, you know, waitresses, stewards, tour guide, to be like, wow, your kids, it's like, they're so well behaved. There's. They always say thank you. They always say please. They're. They're so attentive. And it's like, well, the expectation. Yeah. And it's like, what.

How else would they be? And it's like, that's kind of the way, you know. So again, I'm not really sure how we, how we got there.

And again, again, that's kind of why it is so weird that we broke out, broke apart at the end, because we, we had that, but then we didn't back it up. And again, the family constitution that you have is a way to. So it's like, oh, you think he got it great? It's like, solidify that.

Get that in writing, you know, Herbert.

Barry Garapedian: 00:23:21

It'S like writing a hand note to someone. We are big advocates of hand notes, old school, where we would get the wax and drip and put your stamp on it.

And on the outside of the envelope, you have vintage stamps in addition to a normal stamp and a return stamp. And. And then in the note is all about the other person. When you are writing something to someone, it's heavier.

You have to really think about what you're writing. The same thing with the constitution. The stuff that's in here is very personal. It's very, very real. And it becomes real once you write it.

So it's hard to do because many people are very, very successful. Getting two successful people in the room to go over values, principles, inner truths is not easy.

And then there's iterations and there's Corrections and there's, it really is not easy to do because it's heavy. So that's the, the gift is I can have a conversation with someone and I can use my otter.

I'll transcribe the inner the whole piece, give it to my writers, the writers will write it and then we'll go back and forth and we'll create a crest. So at the end of the day it sounds easy to do. It's not because people are busy really. They're really busy.

Herb: 00:24:36

When you're gonna do most people, most people with children and if you ask them, it's like, what, what are your top five values? Almost all of them are going to say their, their wife and their kids in the top five.

And it's like now in your actions, where are you prioritizing your family? And it's like, oh, they're down at like 15 or 20.

But you say they're in the top five, but you're down here, you know, and so that it's hard, it's, it's not easy. That constitution, it's like you say that your family is important to you. You say that they're top five.

Barry Garapedian: 00:25:14

Prove it.

Kristina: 00:25:14

That's right.

Herb: 00:25:15

Let get that constitution, get that draft going. Put that effort into your family because they're going to be there for your life, your friends, your job, everything else. They come and go.

It's like your family put the effort into it. That's, that's how you end up with a 33 year marriage. That's how you end up with the 40 year commitment.

Barry Garapedian: 00:25:35

Well said, Herbert.

You know, one of the things in our constitution to on that point is if our son or daughter is playing in a sport like tennis or dance, we would never bring the phone there because if they see us on the phone, the phone is taking priority. They feel less than. So we always would leave the phone in the car. My wife would call me, say, I'm trying to get a hold of you, what's going on?

I left the phone in the car on purpose. The kid comes first. The kids are very aware of your energy. So that's in our constitution. We have grandkids now.

We have a four and a half and a two and a half. I'm not going to bring the phone out if they're doing whatever. No, it stays in and the connection is with them.

Yesterday I was playing on the, on the floor with Play doh with my grandkids on the floor playing with Play doh. That's real.

Herb: 00:26:25

That's the real. That's what life happens.

Barry Garapedian: 00:26:27

I'm not ivory tower stuff in life. That's the game. So it's really doing it versus talking about it.

So anyways, I think the Constitution is merely a piece, but then you got to keep it alive with action items. And obviously it's quite quality time with your family. And family is, is. Is huge. I mean, they're all important, those seven pillars.

Family, faith, friends, fitness, financial fun, philanthropy. They're all important, but family's on top.

Herb: 00:26:54

And, you know, I'm just gonna sit make a joke here because I love that they're all F words and.

Barry Garapedian: 00:26:59

But.

Herb: 00:27:00

And you know, part of all of those efforts is probably not using the other F word. And so you keep it respectful. So Gino just. I just don't want to throw that out.

Barry Garapedian: 00:27:09

We try to make philanthropy with an F. And. But anyways, the reality is that it's all about honoring what you believe in. So it's, you know, I'm version 6.7. I'm 67 years young.

We never say age on Wall street. I'm version 6.7. The goal is to get to 10.0 with everything working okay.

So these next chapters, these next 20, 30 years with our grandkids and all, it really is giving them the legacy, the heritage of what our. What we're all about. Not the inheritance, the heritage, values. Exactly what you guys are doing.

Kristina: 00:27:51

So that was what.

Where my question was going to go is like, you list the seven things or all of those things in your constitution, is everything kind of laid out in there along those lines, or is the constitution laid out a little bit differently than that?

Barry Garapedian: 00:28:03

No, it's all laid out under family. There's all these different guidelines under family. Under faith, we have a prayer. Everyone, everyone has to learn how to do a proper prayer.

So there's. There's detailed things. The more detailed, the better.

Now, we're not crazy structured where it's, you know, like robots, it's just written and we honor it. And it starts with leadership with my wife and I. So if I have a meeting with someone, it's very, very rare, I'll be tardy.

That's another thing is being on time. We came up with this decades ago.

I was a strategic coach alumni with Dan Sullivan in entrepreneurship, and he had something that there's the four reliability habits. Show up on time, do what you say, finish what you start, and say please and thank you. Our kids were raised that way.

If they're tardy, they're not going to be tardy. That's why, gosh, we do a zoom call. We do anything. I'm going to be five minutes early, just like you guys were today as well. You guys honor time.

So that's a real important tool because most people aren't and you guys have done a lot of work with other people is my, my suspicion. And you know, who, who's, who's really on time? I don't know. You, you, you, you can answer that. I don't know. I know I've worked with a lot of people.

Herb: 00:29:27

Most, most of the people that, that we have on our show are actually people who really value family. And that time constraint that, that time aspect is there. So we have really most of the. Most of everybody that we've had on.

Unless there's like a family emergency and it shows up in their Facebook is like, holy cow, they were dealing with that.

It's like they're on our show because it's like it's family and that's what they're about and that's why we're here, and that's why they're doing what they're doing. And so it just, you know, we don't really have issues like that because it's like our people want to help families.

Barry Garapedian: 00:30:01

But this stuff is taught early and it's demonstrated with my wife and I. So it's all leader by example and actions in everything we do.

They don't see me coming home and drinking a six pack of beer or cracking open a bottle of wine. No. Smoking cigarettes or cannabis or all the other things that are out there. No, quite the opposite.

They're going to see me going back in the day, dress up in a coat and tie, going to work at 4 in the morning. That's what they see. Coming home and then leaving everything at work and being with the family. That's the game.

Herb: 00:30:32

Yeah. Whenever we walk up to a door, my, my son sometimes tries to get there before me so he can open it, because my mom, my wife does not open doors.

That's, that's part of my constitution. My wife doesn't open doors.

Kristina: 00:30:44

Well, I do sometimes.

Herb: 00:30:45

The bathroom door.

Kristina: 00:30:48

Exactly. Well, so let's get a little bit practical here. Right. We were talking about all of these things, setting these things up.

What if a family hasn't gotten started yet? What's a practical tip to help them get started and start either implementing or writing this stuff down for them?

Barry Garapedian: 00:31:03

Yeah, there has to be both involved. You just can't have the husband and the wife. They both have to be collaborative and it's more of a vision of how you want to make it better.

So what can we do that makes it even better? It's good now, but make it even better. We're raising a family. We have all these wonderful things going on.

Wouldn't it be nice to actually have this legacy for years to come? So I really push the legacy item. I really push how we want to raise our family and the kids. But it's not hard to do. But it's hard.

It's one of those things that start asking questions about, okay, how do you feel about this? So it's.

It's really collaborative between the mom, the mom and the dad, that the husband and the wife, or oftentimes we have single people who are not married or who are together as partners who are not married. So we've seen all kinds of different things. But again, I've been doing this a long time. I think the game really is.

It feels really good to have your stuff together.

Herb: 00:31:59

Yeah.

Barry Garapedian: 00:32:00

Have your financial stuff together and have a plan for the family. It feels good to be together. That's all. Yeah, it does. Yeah.

Kristina: 00:32:09

And if the kids are the right age, you want to involve them in these conversations.

Barry Garapedian: 00:32:13

Right.

Kristina: 00:32:13

When you're setting this up and everything.

Herb: 00:32:15

Yeah.

Barry Garapedian: 00:32:15

So let me give you an example of that. Clearly, I may be 9 or 10 at some age. Oftentimes a lot of these families have. Have money.

So we will advise them to open up a family foundation, and money goes into it every year. And we will have the kids involved in researching charities, where money should go. So they might have a 1% stake of where money might go.

n to the family on why their $: 1000

Now These kids are 13, 14, 15, 16 years old, and they're understanding financial literacy. That's another huge piece of teaching kids about money. The schools don't do that.

Herb: 00:33:14

Yeah.

Barry Garapedian: 00:33:15

Family I'm working with, they don't really do that. Do you know what that means? Well, should you have a savings account or should you have an index in the. The S and P? Why?

Well, if you can hold it for five years longer, you should have an index. You need the money shorter, different. So we explain all that.

Lending, checkbooks, credit cards, debt, all the things that we take for granted that we had to learn Schools aren't unfortunately teaching that.

Herb: 00:33:40

Assets versus liabilities.

Barry Garapedian: 00:33:42

Exactly, Herbert. So there's a lot to this. And actually specifically, there's 16 attributes of a high achiever.

And we go over these and I'll share some of them with you. But a lot of them are very basic. One is just comfort zone, getting out, being courageous, having the courage to be out there in the batter's box.

Another one is building or even more confidence. And how do you do that? Another one we mentioned is self esteem. Building more self esteem. Another one is goal setting.

Surprisingly, a lot of people don't have goals. So we would have them write their goals every 90 days on 90 Day Goals. And then having an impossible goal.

The art of connection strategies on how to connect with people. There's strict, there's unique ways how to do that.

Speaking and listening skills would be another one that we get into the ability to persuade, which is, in other words, for learning how to sell grit and determination. High performance habits. Every 90 days, we'd have them figure out one habit they want to bring in for 90 days. They have to do it as a habit.

It could be making their bed every day, depending on what age they're at. Another one is fail forward. It's a mindset of it's okay to fail, so fail forward. Another one is leadership and development.

Another one's networking and relationships. Another one is social eq. Another one is becoming more self disciplined. And finally, it's the books you read, the people you meet. 16 attributes.

Every one of them has tactics and strategy of what and how you do it. And I can go into any one of them, but the reality is they're hard because 16 takes a long time to nail these.

And the ones that are the high achievers, that are doing extremely well, they're doing a lot of these.

And I would always say, even though a lot of meetings are on zoom and a lot of things are interviews are on zoom, I want you to dress and I want you to dress for your audience, whoever your audience is. So if your audience is engineers, there's a different look. Wall Street's a different look. Entertainment industry is a different look.

So let's figure out your audience and I want you to dress just a little bit better. That's appropriate. So you know that kind of thing.

And then I have had conversations with the parents of having a clothing allowance for the kid for this. So that builds their confidence. Hey, we're getting some, especially the ladies, they love that. So there's a lot, a lot of things.

Most of that stuff is not being taught in schools that I just mentioned most.

Herb: 00:36:15

Is any of that being taught? So my wife was a teacher for 27 years in elementary education. So this, this was, you know, 1, 2, 3. She's mostly 2, 3.

Kristina: 00:36:26

Yeah.

Herb: 00:36:27

So, but in high school, it's like, I haven't heard of this stuff being taught in any sort of public high schools. There are some private schools and some charter schools maybe, but in general, public education is not covering this.

Barry Garapedian: 00:36:38

The, the, the idea is little hinges swing big doors. The metaphor is a little tiny thing we can do. Now, it can go like this. Yes. So however we define that and we have to make it.

We have to make it easy for them to get in the game, but then also build on it. So once the confidence is built, I might show.

I was a professional magician, so I might show them some really cool magic tricks so when they go to parties, they can show fun things. One thing we do all the time with young minds is.

And one of the strategies for the art of connection is let's say someone's invited to a wedding and the kid's invited to a wedding. And saying, here's what you're. I'm going to ask you to do. Ask the host and the hostess if you can do a real R E E L.

That means you're going to get your phone and you're going to go up to 50 different people and you're going to say. And you're going to go to them and say, say something nice about the bride and the groom. 3, 2, 1, you video them just 10, 15, 20 seconds.

You're going to give me all the content. I'll have 50, 60, 70 different people. You're doing. I will take it to my videographer. I'll create a reel with music.

You're going to gift it to the host and the hostess or the bride and the groom. You have now elevated yourself on the top of the pyramid. You've done something that no one does. It's now, that's the good side.

The other side of it, you're meeting 50, 60 people you haven't met. Because normally when you go to a wedding, you're in your five or six people and you don't branch out. You're going to force yourself to meet people.

And guess what? One of those people you might meet, two, three of them might be someone that might can help you in your career.

That's one tactic of I have 18 tactics. That's one example. You don't learn that in school. These phones could be liabilities. These phones can be liabilities or they can be assets.

I teach them how it can be an asset. That's an example of one. Another one that is unbelievable. This is for someone who has not built a network.

So let's just say kids in high school and they really haven't put. No one's really consulted them or taught them how to build a network. There are some kids that are really good at it, but most of them aren't.

Here's what we do. I'm going to make them an author. That's right. Little Susie, who's 16 years old, you're going to be an author of a book called Profiles and Success.

What's that? You are going to interview 25 people in the industry you're interested in. So let's just say as an example, it's supply chain logistics. Oh wow.

What's that? Supply chain. We're going to figure out the people in your area, your region, who are the CEOs running these companies.

And what you're going to do is you're going to call them and you're going to say, I want to interview you. You are one of the best of what you do and I want to hear your story. I'm doing this because it's a philanthropic opportunity.

I want to share this story with other young minds. They'll do 25 of these, 15. They'll give me the content on otter, so they will order it, I take the content, give it to my writers.

We'll do a: 1500

We'll have 50 to 100 made. She gives it to other young minds. Now do you think that will empower her? Absolutely.

Do you think she'll might meet someone in this journey and the courage it takes to call someone and say and present that I want to interview you, that takes courage to do. It's not easy for some of these kids who are extreme introverts and the goal with an introvert is to get them to be an ambivert, to be in the middle.

So that's another technique. Extremely successful and we can do that at all ages.

Kristina: 00:40:31

I so love that. And like you said, all ages. Right.

Can you imagine a little 10 year old calling up some of the people that, you know, maybe they want to be, you know, a zoologist or something and they're calling up all these zoologists and talking to them that Christianity is like.

Barry Garapedian: 00:40:46

No one says no.

Kristina: 00:40:47

Yeah, no, no.

Barry Garapedian: 00:40:49

If you talk from a philanthropic or reason why you're doing. And by the way, this is not a school project. This is extra credit. I do this on my own. Who does that? Very few people. I did that when I was younger.

have the technology. Back in: 1982

I hear you're the best of the best. I would love to just shadow you, just for two hours. I'll sit in your corner, just watch you. I'll fly. I flew to Miami, St. Louis, Chicago, New York.

I did, like seven of them. I got the best ideas from these people. I created my own brand and on my own culture. So you could do this at any age now.

It's so much easier with technology. It's amazing. But you still have to make the call. You still have to identify who the supply chain logistics people are.

I'm doing this all over the country. Kids that want to be writers, kids that want to be veterinarians, kids that want to be doctors, attorneys. Let's make a list.

It's a project, and the goal is to have it done in one year because, you know, and they can do it. They were doing it all the time. But that's an example of another tactic that if you haven't done the networking now, you're gonna have a network.

Kristina: 00:42:05

Well, yeah, because we talk to, you know, families and things all the time. They're like, oh, we want a kid to go to college. And they don't have, like you said, either that network or that credibility that they need.

And doing a project like this and having that on their resume on what they. Yeah, amazing.

Barry Garapedian: 00:42:21

You know, what college. They're looking. They're looking for different.

Herb: 00:42:24

Yep.

Barry Garapedian: 00:42:25

They're looking for think outside the box. Right, right.

Herb: 00:42:28

You. You put your. You put your book on your college application. Oh, yeah. I wrote this book and I talked to these people.

Barry Garapedian: 00:42:33

Many, many different get into these schools. I know a lot of how to do it, but every kid's different. And just because you go to XYC school doesn't mean you're going to be successful.

Is how do you connect the dots? So I really believe it's the art of connection. Connecting with people is the game. Helping other people is the game.

And if you're lucky enough to find something you're passionate about, you can wake up and Put your two feet down on the ground and be excited to wake up and get into the office or your home or wherever.

Herb: 00:43:01

Wow.

Barry Garapedian: 00:43:02

And believe it. Those things are out there. They're out there. You have to.

Herb: 00:43:05

Just podcasting is another pretty good way to build a network of people who are really amazing at what they do as well.

Barry Garapedian: 00:43:12

Yeah.

Kristina: 00:43:13

Wow. This has been such a wonderful conversation. Is there any place that we haven't gone that you kind of wanted to talk about today?

Barry Garapedian: 00:43:20

Let's just see. I was just looking at some of my notes.

I think a lot of what we're dealing with now is kids are in this victimhood mentality of expecting everything to be for them. And it comes from a scarcity mindset, meaning the, the media is making it like, oh gosh, it's not good.

So I think role models and leaders are even more important now not to be in that mindset, to be in a growth mindset. So to be a leader it takes courage. And so I oftentimes talk to a lot of these kids that are just lost. They're lost, they don't know what to do.

And they have a parent who might be one of the parents usually is a narcissistic parent who's extremely one sided and the kids bifurcated from that person. And how do we get them on the launch pad? Because they have the tools. So the goal for me is to get them to believe in themselves. So I'll call it this.

It's the I believe button. How do we get the kid to have the I believe button? That's the game. If they believe in themselves, they can do almost anything.

And that was something that my parents gave me at a very early age.

And besides loving me unconditionally, they gave me the I believe button when I was a very little boy and we was, you know, so that's the, that's the game. Get them to believe in themselves. Because it is about confidence. Life's a confidence game. And then the self esteem.

And then before you know it, now we have the mindset of fail forward. And before you know it, hey, there's going to be lots of losses along the way. That's, that's winning or learning. If it's okay to lose, it's okay.

No one wants to lose, but that's part of the process, buddy. You're going to lose a lot of tennis matches to get good. You miss a lot of putts in golf to get good, right?

Kristina: 00:45:17

Exactly.

Herb: 00:45:17

Yes, A lot of putts even after you get good.

Barry Garapedian: 00:45:20

Exactly. But that is the mindset.

So the game really with a lot of the folks that I'm working with is really building self esteem and then giving them strategies they can actually do. And then the process for me is all about repetition. Talking to someone once a month doesn't work.

Talking to someone once every two weeks doesn't work.

I talk to my clients once a week for 30 minutes, 30 minute Zoom call once a week and we have a minimum of one year, one year engagement because nothing's going to happen unless there's, there's the repetition of you doing xyz. That is for sure. I know that.

Kristina: 00:45:54

Absolutely. Yes. And that's part of the reason why we are where we are.

We're trying to get this education piece, this family development piece down low enough so the kids don't have to reach, rebuild that confidence later. What if they started with it? What if we were able to keep it from a young age to go forward with.

Herb: 00:46:09

Yeah, what if the education starts before they're forced to sit in a box and sit down and shut up and lose all of their enthusiasm for learning. Which, which we also have ways to help people regain that.

But, but to have kids just be vibrant and living from the start, that's kind of where what our goal. And so having this information and having these tips and having these 16 attributes and having the, the 7F words or the 6F words and a P word.

Kristina: 00:46:37

So strong for our families. Thank you for sharing.

Herb: 00:46:40

Just, it's just such valuable information.

And even if, even if they don't grab it and use it right now, just the fact that they hear this and that seed is planted in there and that knowledge that they have somehow that will pass down osmosis lead to through the generations and that pops up when it's needed.

So even if they're not acting right now, just hearing this information and then something will snap like oh hey that and then they can follow that because they'll have that. So even if they're not, even if that right now, it's not for you. Just hearing this and knowing this is possible.

Kristina: 00:47:20

Yeah.

Herb: 00:47:21

You know before, before Whitney Houston, nobody knew it was possible to sing like that. Now we have 10 and 12 year old kids going up on stages singing like that, not knowing how impossible that is.

So again, just hearing the possibility of this. Yeah, well, just down the line is going to pop back up.

Barry Garapedian: 00:47:40

There's a saying that I love saying is more is caught than taught. More is caught than taught. You need to be doing stuff. That's the best way to learn Right, right.

Because you just can't read this stuff out of a book and do it. You have to actually do it. And then the other thing I would say that really resonates with me is that nothing happens until after you commit.

You have to have a commitment. The commitment to whatever. Commit to it. Good things happen. Make it. Don't even commit. They're sort of 50. 50. Well, you're not going to happen.

Got to commit.

Kristina: 00:48:17

Lovely. Would you please share your contact information? Because it's that time of the show that you know what?

We want parents and families who are interested, who have gained a lot from the show to be able to reach out to our experts who are really intriguing to them. So help us share.

Barry Garapedian: 00:48:32

-: 6109

The number seven consultants.com so barryag7consultants.com you've got my number. And if there's any thoughts or questions, I'll be happy to share. Share some thoughts and we can collaborate.

Herb: 00:49:01

And that information will be all in the show notes with the bio. Go read it. It's. There's a lot more information in it than I was able to put out, so really beautiful.

Barry Garapedian: 00:49:11

Well, thank you both very much for a lovely conversation and I look forward to hearing more from you guys.

Herb: 00:49:16

And again, I would really like to thank you for being here today because there are so many people out there today that see problems and they just talk about it and they have problems and they don't do anything about it.

But you have taken your life and you're not only solving problems, you're helping other people do that and you're putting yourself out there, and that is the hero's journey. You went out and you fought your fight and now you're coming back to help other people learn from you. And that is also a very rare thing.

And that makes you a hero. So thank you for going on your hero's journey.

Thank you for making it out alive and coming back to share your wealth of wisdom with our families here today. You. You are a hero to me.

Barry Garapedian: 00:49:57

So my pleasure. All the best to you guys. We'll see you soon.

Kristina: 00:50:00

Awesome. All right, audience, you know what to do. It is time to share like and make sure that people are finding out about this wonderful information.

Get in contact with Barry. If you are intrigued and need some help from him, make sure you're also reaching out to us.

We're here to help you, as a family, raise healthy, happy and successful children. Until next time. Bye for now.

Herb: 00:50:20

Bye for now.