S2EP7-Stephanie Eige-Empowering Families: The Joy of Education at Home

Herb: 00:00:19

Today I have the pleasure of introducing Stephanie Eige.

Stephanie mentors families pursuing a path of non traditional education and helps them find peace, joy and true connection through respectful parenting, education, freedom and empowerment. She's been with her husband for more than 30 years and they have a 17 year old son and a 16 year old daughter.

They have been homeschooling for 10 years and love to travel. They have been to 48 states and a dozen different countries so far. Welcome Stephanie. I'm really looking forward to this conversation.

This is basically what we do as well, so it's going to be awesome having this conversation.

Stephanie: 00:00:56

Thank you. I'm excited to be here.

Kristina: 00:00:58

Thank you so much.

Yeah, when we had our pre chat before our show, you know, we really connected on several different things and I really loved your experience with the different kinds of homeschooling. Excuse me, that you've done with your family. So it's not just like you picked on one certain topic and stuck with or one certain modality.

That's another way of saying it. What is it? Framework. There we go. Something like that.

Stephanie: 00:01:24

Anyway, really it all just kind of happened organically because when I took my kids out of school after their second grade and third grade year respectively for my daughter and my son, and it was out of necessity, it was not something that I ever thought we would do. I come from a family with my mother having been a teacher and a principal, my mother in law was a teacher.

Both my husband and I went to public school.

You know, we didn't have a bad experience and so when it came time and I just saw what was happening to my kids and I started thinking of different alternative methods. The first thing I went to was online school because that was a great easy transition. It still felt very familiar.

And so we ended up doing an online program for the first year which would be third and fourth grade for them. But within the first few weeks, definitely within the first few months, I knew it wasn't going to be long term.

Again, great transition, great hand holding experience. But even my son's teacher said don't make him sit in these online classes like he, he's too advanced, he'll be bored.

Just, you know, do the work and let me know if you have questions. So same thing with my daughter. She really didn't need to be on hers either. So I started thinking, okay, well what are we going to do next?

You know, if we're not. I, it was still so brand new to me. I didn't know of all of the different possibilities but so the Next thing that I stumbled upon was a micro school.

And if you haven't. If people are out there and they haven't heard of micro schools, really, it's.

It's a similar structure to the traditional school setting, but for us, it was two days a week, and it was only for four hours a day. But they did have subjects and they had, you know, some homework occasionally, and that was a really good experience, too.

But what I found is that the days that they were going to the micro school were the days that we had found homeschooling programs for enrichment. And then we were missing out on all of those experiences and some of the friends that we had made.

So I was like, okay, even though this is a great scenario, it's very individualized. They each only had six children in their. In their classroom.

Again, okay, this isn't working, so we're going to have to pivot and find something different. I had decided that they wouldn't go back after the first semester, but I really wasn't sure what I was going to do.

I started looking at some different options, and then my husband was offered a job out of state. We were in Florida at the time, and we decided to move. And this is kind of what spurred the next transition, which I had packed up the house to sell.

We didn't have all of our usual things around because, you know, you have to stage your house to make it. You got to put away all the things that you use all the time.

Kristina: 00:04:36

Exactly.

Stephanie: 00:04:37

And. But what I found is, in those few months without all of the structure that I thought that we needed, the kids were flourishing, and they were.

We were having so much fun. And I couldn't believe the things that they were learning because I had to find other things to do.

And so we just started doing more things, things outside of the home, like we always had done a lot before. But it, like, it just became like this new challenge, like, what new experience are we going to have?

And it was during this time that I stumbled upon the word unschooling. I didn't even know that that was a thing. Didn't know it existed. But I was researching, like, what do people do if they don't use curriculum?

And what do people, like, just. And it ended up coming up, and I was like, I think that's what we're doing. But I, you know, like, let's just kind of see what happen.

The next thing that we tried was I still. We moved, so now we live in Tennessee. I was really holding on to math. Like, I couldn't let the math go. I felt like we needed structure with math.

Yeah. So I found a tutor, and she came to the house once a week and worked with both kids for about an hour and did math. And so. And then I all. We also.

I always found homeschool programs. I found STEM Scouts, so they were doing science that way. There was a science center near where we lived. They took classes there.

I just found all these outside classes that still felt schooly, but there was no, like, homework or anything, so it felt a little bit more relaxed. So we. We did that for, like, a year. And then they didn't want to have the math tutor anymore, so I was like, okay, let's just see what happens if.

If I let it all go and we don't do anything like that. And it was around this time that I really started learning about respectful parenting. Some people call it peaceful parenting.

And so, like, for the next year or so, that's really where the focus was.

I kind of let any thing that felt like school totally go and worked on creating a deeper connection with the kids and truly listening to them, hearing what they were saying. I like. It was a.

It was a hard year for me, to be perfectly honest, because I had to rethink everything that I thought anew about education and parenting and literally just rebuilt our family basically into just a different level of connection. You know, we don't do punishments. We don't, you know, do consequences. Like, we just. We. We just live so much differently now.

But through that, my daughter still wanted to try something more formal. So again, we've tried another type of homeschooling. We did another online program that was a middle school program.

She liked that for, oh, about three quarters of a school year, and then she didn't want to do it anymore. So that was an interesting experience, too, because this was the first time that I had been thinking about my new philosophy on parenting. And.

Am I going to force you to finish this, or am I going to follow your lead? And you've said that you feel like you've got enough out of it. You got everything you wanted out of this program. Do you. Are you going to finish it?

So we did not finish it. Okay? We did not finish it. She just had no interest anymore. And I'm like, why am I sitting here with you trying to force you to do something that you.

You literally could care. You don't care anything about it anymore. This isn't. This isn't working on that connection that we were really trying to reestablish and Build.

So she took. She decided not to finish it. The next school year came around and she wanted to try something else.

So we tried a cottage school, and that was set up like a classroom, only you only went one day a week, and you could take as many or as few classes as you wanted. I think she took either four or five classes and. And she enjoyed it until she didn't. And then she didn't want to finish that either.

We got all the way until, I want to say, like, May 1, and there were three weeks left, and she was like, I don't want to go anymore. And I'm like, okay. So we. We gave that a try, too.

Meanwhile, my son, he just dives into anything educationally related on his own, and he does deep dives on anything. I mean, I just can't. The. The things that come out of his mouth that he tells me that he has learned, I'm just always blown away.

So for him, he's more of like a. A YouTube learner. He doesn't. He's 17 now, and he still. He is not doing anything without a YouTube video on in the background. And. Okay, it's.

I don't know how he does it because I can't. I can't separate my attention that well. Like, I can't hear something and then be working on something else. But he's. He's got a series of. Oh, it's.

It's a channel that they. They go to every sing. They talk about every single country in alphabetical order. I think he just recently finished, but.

So that's like, for him, that's been his type of schooling. But we've got another new thing that we started last year, and he's doing dual enrollment.

So when he was 16, he started taking college classes at the local community college. And it technically counts for high school and for college. So at the end of this spring semester, he'll have 24 college credits, which is great. So I.

There are other types of schooling systems out there, but those are all the ones that we've kind of gone through. Used to just get library books when they were younger. You know, we would order. Oh, like the different science kits we've had. Male science.

There's another one in a red box that we used to get. And we just used to. I just used to find things for them to do. And that was. That was our. That was our school.

Kristina: 00:11:29

So besides living life, right? Just being involved in.

Stephanie: 00:11:33

It's just like literally living life. We travel, like you mentioned, we've been to 48 states. We just need to go to Alaska and Hawaii now.

So all of our life experiences are where they're picking up their knowledge and their information and they can figure out what they like and don't like. You know, we've been to museums in every state and all different type, types of museums, different science centers, so many zoos. Yeah.

And that's just, you know, that's how they figured out what they like and they don't like. So.

Kristina: 00:12:05

Yeah, I love that the experiences kind of led their learning.

And then, you know, when something wasn't a good fit anymore, making that shift, making that adjustment, because I think that's one of the things that parents have a hard time making that adjustment to is that, oh, I don't necessarily have to finish a complete thing or I can make a shift when it's needed for my child. Or even school years per se. You don't even really have to follow school years if you don't want to.

It's kind of, it's this nebulous thing, but it's this thing that can be such a beautiful thing with your children and the connection you make and you learn through that.

Herb: 00:12:41

So as a dad, as a guy, I do have an issue with the lack of follow through on a commitment.

Because, because as a guy, it's like if you make a commitment, it's, it's, you need to follow through with it because if, because that's like keeping your word. And so keeping my word is very important to me.

So if I made a commitment to like do a school year and then three weeks before the end of it, I'm like, oh, I don't want to do that anymore. It's like, well, no, I made that commitment. I need to finish that.

So it's not a punishment to make them finish, but how are you teaching them to honor their commitments? If at the first sign of I don't want to do this anymore, I'm out.

Stephanie: 00:13:25

So I totally hear you. I, I have been there. I. Every time it's come up, it's. I have to really think about am I.

Do I want them to finish something because of the commitment or do I want them to follow their inner compass?

And I've thought about things that I've been interested in doing and that, and there are times that I have decided I don't want to finish something and it's okay for me not to finish if I, if I know that this is not right for me anymore, I'm not doing anyone any good by showing up there Are there are things that I would say, like, listen, let's really talk about this.

It's only a little bit longer, but the things that, that she in particular hasn't wanted to finish just felt like not significant enough to really make a difference. So I don't think it's like an all. There's no, there's no. All the time. It's going to be like this.

I really feel like it's situational and so I've just tried to learn to have the conversation. It's not like you don't want to go, oh, okay, well, let's just not go.

I mean there's definitely conversation that is had, you know, deep conversations. Let's talk through the different scenarios, you know, like, what is your actual reason for not wanting to go anymore?

And for the, for the cottage school in particular, she was not really feeling connected to the other students there and there were no issues with anyone. But. And it was also like a 45 minute drive. So, you know, I didn't really mind that she didn't want to go anymore. I was kind of okay with it.

And she also, like, she wanted me to stay with her so that, you know, I wasn't really that upset that she didn't want to finish. But again, I told like, hear you, there are things that I do feel like you need to finish. But nobody was relying on her.

This was really about her own personal growth and I really felt like I needed to respect her choices. She very much knows what she like, what she wants and what she doesn't want.

And you know, I've been in situations where I felt pressured to do something or finish something and it doesn't feel good and I just, I don't want to be the person that, that makes her feel that way.

Kristina: 00:15:55

So it makes sense.

And you know, the best part about that is that there were conversations and it wasn't just a flip of a switch, you know, because that's the most, you know, one of the most important things is being a good role model with your child and thinking about those kinds of things and just making sure that there is valid reasons or, you know, consistency in the expectations.

Stephanie: 00:16:16

Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. It's communication. You know, it really comes down to that.

It's, it's within the conversations that, that I, you know, that you get to know your child better and you get to know where they're coming from. You know, I just remember so many times, especially as a teenager, not being listened to.

Like, I felt like I knew what was right for Me, but it didn't matter because it, you know, whatever adult, it was not necessarily just parents, but you know, even adults in other environments and situations that discount your opinion simply because you're not an adult or it doesn't align with what, what they're used to.

But during that process of like really the self reflection on my part, and there were a lot of things that I was telling my kids to do or I would get tell them no for something, and I had no reason for it. The only reason was because that's what I had been told. I had never thought about the reason. I never questioned it. Just like, well, I.

And then they started asking me, well, I don't understand, like, why can't I do that? Or why are you telling me no? Or. And I'm like, I don't know. Let me think about it. Let me get back to you. Give me a chance because maybe I have.

Herb: 00:17:41

Yeah. So for me, it wasn't an automatic no. And let me think about it.

It was, wow, I'm gonna need to think about this, come back, and I'm gonna go through my reasoning before I give you a yes or no. And so I always, I, I got to the point where I did that before, it was, oh, yeah, no, you can't do that. Why?

And then, no, I was like, okay, can I do this? I was like, okay, well I'm gonna need to think about this and go through the pros and cons before I get back to you.

Stephanie: 00:18:05

Yeah. And I feel like I, I'm there now.

Now I do that as they've gotten older because I've practiced it more, but you know, like when they were in that tween phase and all of a sudden these new things start coming up. You know, they're not the little kid anymore that just wants to play games and hang out. Like they want to do their own thing.

And I, you know, they just.

That that part where they start cocooning and, you know, they're kind of going off on their own and discovering who they are and, you know, wanting to stay up later, wanting to be on different video games that I'm like, you know, I've heard things about it, but I don't have any personal experience. And so those no's were like more automatic until, until I realized, like they, I just kept saying, I don't have a good reason.

Like, I really don't have a reason. So let me go do some research. Let me think about this.

Like, like I said, now when it comes up, you know, I'm like, okay, I'm not saying no, but I'm not saying yes. Let me go think about it. And then sometimes, you know, sometimes you just, you do have to say no.

And maybe they don't like the reason, but I feel like if you could at least give your reasoning and talk through it, even if they're disappointed or frustrated, you at least have that connection that, you know, they know that it, it wasn't a rash decision. Like, you did make the effort to actually think about it and, and talk about it.

So, so we've had some of those kind of situations too, but just, yeah, the communication, Communication is so important.

Kristina: 00:19:37

It is so very important.

And, you know, I think one of the things that you illustrate as you were talking about the different schooling and all the different things is that you were showing that you were actually building that communication with them.

Stephanie: 00:19:48

Right.

Kristina: 00:19:48

And so they had this background, this knowledge of, oh, we talk about things, then we move forward on things and then.

Stephanie: 00:19:54

Right.

Kristina: 00:19:54

Make adjustments, etc. And that's, you know, like, that's super important because our children look up to us, they follow us.

And if they don't understand the reasons why, then sometimes it's like, that doesn't make sense or that doesn't feel good.

Herb: 00:20:08

Yeah.

So I've done a lot of, like, brain science studies and, and I'm kind of into it because I hurt my head and I have actually fixed my life quite a bit due to the brain injuries. But teenagers, children, they make bad decisions. They make lots of really, really bad decisions. You know, the brain doesn't.

The brain never stops developing, but the last major change happens around to 28. And so they, that's where. Where the idea to look back at your life and, and analyze it comes in. And, and they don't have that at a younger age.

So they do make a lot of bad decisions. And so there's a lot of times where it's like, you do need to say no.

And you, Even though it's like, oh, I don't feel listened to, it's like, well, you're gonna understand this in like 10 years.

Stephanie: 00:20:57

Right?

Herb: 00:20:58

But right now it's like you don't have the faculties to be able to grip this way.

So, you know, Yeah, I, I kind of get that sometimes it's like your children might feel like you don't listen to them, but there's also that you are a parent and you have to keep them safe. And it's not about necessarily them feeling good or liking you or being happy. It's like there's this job of parenting that you have, right?

So where do you bridge that gap? How do you. How do you hold on to that?

Stephanie: 00:21:25

Well, there haven't been a lot of situations come up where. Where, like, it really hasn't come up that often. And I don't know if it's because the lines of communication are so open. They. They will come to me.

And I'm thinking of my son right now in particular, on something before. Like, before he does it, like, he's come to. Like, I don't. It was like, a year ago.

There was some kind of street sign, like, in the middle of the road, like, off to the side, but. And he's like, mom, I really want to go steal that street sign. And I.

It's like, he tells me what he wants to do that would, like, not necessarily be great. And I was like, well, let's. Let's think about this. I'm like, you know, it's been in the road for a while, so I. You know, I kind of get it.

I have to be perfectly honest. When I was about 12 years old, I stole a street sign. I'm like, but there weren't phone. There weren't cell phones.

There weren't cameras everywhere around. Like, not that it makes it right that I did it, but you're like, somebody will find out, and you will end up getting in trouble.

And, you know, is that worth it to you for the thrill of doing something that just, you know, seems a little naughty? And he was like, yeah, you're right. He's like, okay, I won't go do it. So.

Herb: 00:22:48

She still does that for me, but keeps me. Keeps me grounded.

Kristina: 00:22:52

Keeps you grounded sometime today.

Stephanie: 00:22:56

And, like, there's, you know, there's things that he. And I'm trying. Can't think of any other specific things, but my daughter hasn't really come up with her so much for things like that. She's pretty.

Even keeled, levelheaded. Like, she's just. She's not like, a thrill seeker like my son is. But a lot of. He gets a lot of that through.

Through Boy Scouts because he's very heavily involved in. He just got his Eagle. Eagle Scout award last month, and he participates in something.

It's called Order of the Arrow, which is like a Boy Scout honor society.

Kristina: 00:23:33

That your people are Scouting family. Yep.

Stephanie: 00:23:35

Okay. Okay. So. Awesome. So he. He just. He's been serving in his OA Lodge this last year. He just got elected to be lodge vice chief. He is, like.

He's teaching at University of Scouting this weekend. But his Boy Scout troop, he's also now an adventure crew.

So they're starting to do more things, but so they go out and do all these exciting things and they go camping all the time. And he's been to, to sea base and did a scuba live aboard. He's been to National Jamboree.

So you know, he does the zip lining and the rock climbing and he just did via Ferrata for the first time this summer. So I feel like that's, he's able to get like that, those kind of endorphins, dopamine hits that teenagers want to get in a more safe environment.

And so it hasn't been an issue. Like he's not.

Herb: 00:24:35

Yeah. And the Scouts teach respect and self reliance and self reliability, you know, honor, duty, you know, all of those.

It's, it's really important in that organization. So that, that's really it as well. And, and the, the parenting, the, the conscious parenting that you do.

It seems like a lot of the kids that do act out don't have parents that are super involved in their life.

Stephanie: 00:24:57

That's exactly what I was, that's what I was thinking. Yes. And my kids and I have talked about it a lot because, you know, they're like, what.

You know, so many times you hear adults like, oh my, like, teenagers are so hard and this and that and they, they're just, they're not. If you, if you build that relationship and it's not this struggle of power, attention.

Herb: 00:25:21

Right?

Stephanie: 00:25:21

Yeah. They're like, there's no power struggle within our family dynamic. Like all four of us are on a level playing field at the end of the day.

You know, as a parent, occasionally you have to pull rank on them, but it just doesn't come up because we just, we don't work that way.

Kristina: 00:25:42

One of the things that we do, and I think that will lead into a lot of what you were just saying is that when we work with families, we really talk about the values and the things that are super important to the family because that guides so much of where you go and what you do.

Because if those values truly are your values and what you want to live by, then you have that boundary, that kind of bumper, that kind of knowledge of what the expectations are, how far you can go, a certain direction, and how to be respectful within the family for those kinds of things.

Herb: 00:26:14

And part of the reason we bring up family values first is, okay, let's talk about your values and write them down and what you really think is important. And now let's look at your life and are you living those values?

Because what you really value comes out in your actions, not in what you write on a paper. And now how do we move from you really wanting this set of values into having that set of actions? And that's really important inside of a family.

And that does take a lot of, a lot of communication and wanting to, to be that.

Kristina: 00:26:46

Yeah.

Stephanie: 00:26:47

The payoff is so great though, you know, like the earlier you can start it, the better. And I feel like, you know, I didn't really start getting into that until around the tween years.

I would say like maybe age 10 for my daughter, age 11 for my son is like when it really started learning about it and understanding the importance of it. But the payoff is huge now.

Like, sure, in the beginning it was hard for everybody because they weren't, you know, they weren't necessarily sure that I wasn't going to change my mind and go back to the way I used to do things. And so there was like, you know, a lot, a long time of trust building.

But you know, now they're 16 and 17 and it's like, you know, yes, it, it was a struggle for a year, like it really was. But oh my goodness, like just the, the payout now is I, I'm just like, I love spending time with my teenagers.

Like they, like, I really genuinely do it. They are interesting people. I love hearing what they have to say. I love working with other teenagers.

I'm involved in the Boy Scout troop as a committee member and a merit badge counselor. I just did a Citizenship in Society merit workshop for 8, 14 and 15 year old boys. And it was like the best time.

Like, you know, we just, I, I just really enjoy it. I'm so excited for the, for the, that generation to become adults because they're already so much more aware and conscious about things than we were.

You know, not, not that it's not our fault that we weren't, but it just wasn't, it was the way it.

Kristina: 00:28:26

Was at that point.

Stephanie: 00:28:27

Yeah. Just not how it was. But you know, I can just, I. The way that they, they think about things, I don't know, it's just. I'm just so excited for it.

I can't wait to see what they do. Yeah.

Kristina: 00:28:41

You know, going back just a little bit about, you know, parents and different people expect like the terrible twos to be terrible. Right. Or the teenage years to be horrible kind of thing. And I really like to challenge that with lots of people. It's like, is It.

Because you're just going with what is being said, or are you basically living up to those expectations? Oh, you have the expectation that it's going to be terrible, so you allow it to be terrible. Right.

What if we change those words when we're talking about R2s and our teens. Right. What if we change how we approach it? Right.

And that doesn't mean that there aren't hormone changes and different things that do give us a little bit of a roller coaster. Right, That's.

Stephanie: 00:29:20

That's right.

Kristina: 00:29:21

Biological biology. Yeah, that's gonna happen.

But at the same time, if your expectation is we can work through it, it can be calm or as calm as possible, or we will have the communication. What better world will we have with all these kiddos and those kinds of talks instead?

Stephanie: 00:29:38

Right, Right, Absolutely. Yeah. The mindset work is, you know, it really. It comes.

That's like, the key to everything, because if you can get your mind thinking in the more positive way about things and, like, reframe everything, then the actions start happening more easily and on their own, and you can kind of start to catch yourself. There was someone recently that I was speaking with, and she reframed because she had been talking about her. Her young child.

Like, I'm trying to think of the word. I don't think she was saying that he was like a feral child, but it was like, that kind of context.

Kristina: 00:30:17

And a little wild child.

Stephanie: 00:30:19

Yeah, yeah. Yes. But she. But she flipped the switch and started talking about her spiritful child, you know, and like, really, it. That's not. That's not negative.

Like, you want your kids to be rambunctious and have all that energy and excitement. Like, that's what they should have when they're younger. That doesn't mean it's always easy to. As the adult.

Like, sometimes you're just not in the right space for it, and it can be hard.

But, um, I found, like, even in those situations when the kids were a little younger and maybe, you know, it was a little more chaotic, that if I just said, you know, like, I apologize, but right now I am just not, like, I'm not in the right place to be able to handle this.

If you could either maybe go do that in your room, or if you could just let me have, like, 10 minutes to myself so I can regain my, you know, my composure. And it just. Again, it's back to that. That the conversation, like, just being honest.

It's okay to let your kids know that you're having a hard time, because then they can See, you work through it, and that's how they learn to work through it when they're having a hard time. So, you know, I try not to hide my. My emotions and let them know, like, I'm having a hard time right now too. So.

Herb: 00:31:29

So talking about reframing, so I reframed hard. So hard is for substances like a phone. This is hard, right? It's. You can bang on it. It's hard when we're talking about actions and stuff.

I put it on an easy scale because if you're focused on how easy something is, then even if it's really, really, really not easy, right now you're focusing on the ease of the action and you can move it more towards the easy. So you kept saying, oh, this is really hard. And I. Well, no, that's really not easy.

Stephanie: 00:32:01

Right, right. Because.

Herb: 00:32:02

Because it can become easier. But if you're focusing on the hardness of it, then, and you're concentrating, wow, that's really hard. Oh, this is really hard.

Then it in your mind, that starts increasing the hardness scale and they.

Stephanie: 00:32:15

Yeah, that's absolutely right. That's a great.

Herb: 00:32:17

That's a great. That's one of these reframings. I've been working on it.

So I do a little live every day, and every once in a while I'll hear myself, oh, yeah, this was really hard. And it's like, wait, wait, no, this was really, really not easy.

Stephanie: 00:32:28

No, that's a good one. Because I do. I had. I've heard that. I've heard that before. And that's a good one because maybe, you know, maybe that's.

That's a new one I can add in for me to start working on because there's always something, you know, like.

Herb: 00:32:42

Yes, it's actually pretty common because you'll start hearing yourself say how often you say that. And it's like, wow, that's not easy to change this mindset.

Kristina: 00:32:52

I think busy is that other word that if we could change that word, busy somehow. Right? Yeah, you know, oh, we're super scheduled right now, or we don't have a lot of downtime right now.

But just using that buzzword of busy all the times, like, yeah, let's really think about what that looks like and how. What that feels like.

Stephanie: 00:33:09

Yeah, well. And you see sometimes going around on social media that, like, reframing of for being grateful, like a messy house.

Well, I have a house to live in, you know, a dirty kitchen. I have food to eat, you know, and just those kinds of reframing and it really.

Herb: 00:35:02

I'M using my kitchen. I'm not eating out all of the time.

Stephanie: 00:35:05

All right. You know, or there's toys everywhere. My child has access to a lot of fun things to do, you know, just.

Just really, really reframing those kinds of things.

Kristina: 00:35:18

I.

Stephanie: 00:35:18

That for me, started before I think we even left public school. I found myself. And this was like, the year before I took them out of school. I had considered it.

I had considered taking them out the year before, but I decided I was going to give it one more year. But during that year, I noticed I was falling into that trap of parents constantly complaining about their kids.

You know, oh, the moms just need to sit around and drink wine all day because we have to get ready for our kids to come. Like, just. And I was like, what is. This is not right. Like, I'm not supposed to be annoyed with my kids all the time.

Why did I have a family if I'm going to just complain about them? And that's the. Like, that's the first time I remember being conscious about starting to reframe my thoughts. And I was like, I'm not.

I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm not going to complain about my kids. Because everybody else is sitting around complaining about their kids.

And I just really started focusing on all the great things that were going on because there were a lot of great things. It was mostly great things.

Herb: 00:36:21

I'd say that works really well for your husband and your wife, too, the marriage situation.

Kristina: 00:36:26

Right.

Herb: 00:36:27

So just. Just saying that that works great.

So that's one of the things do is, like, when I get mad, I start thinking about, wow, this is this woman that I'm mad at, has all these amazing qualities, kept me with her for 35 years there.

Stephanie: 00:36:40

I have one example, and this happened a couple years ago, but a friend of mine, she still, like, laughs about it.

So my husband and I, you know, we've been together over 30 years, and we've just kind of always had an unwritten rule that whoever gets out of bed last is supposed to make the bed. And this one particular day, he got up and did not make the bed. And I walked back in the bedroom, and I was, like, frustrated.

I, like, stood there, like, I sighed to myself, and then I stopped and I thought, okay, well, but what is he doing? And he was making breakfast. And so I was like, okay, he didn't make the bed, but he's making breakfast. Like, I can go make the bed.

You know, like, just appreciating the fact that, you know, he's doing something else that's even more useful than making the bed.

So trying to always, like, really appreciate those things and, and sometimes, like, the qualities that you're most drawn to can be the ones that frustrate you. But thinking about, like, why they're the best qualities, even if they're annoying in that particular moment. I'll take you back.

Kristina: 00:37:46

Exactly.

And you know, like you said, not only your spouse, but your children, you know, find those qualities and realize that, you know, learning style, learning ways of learning aren't the same for everybody. So you have to really kind of meet them where they are with their learning or with how they're absorbing information as well.

Stephanie: 00:38:05

Right, Right, Absolutely. Yeah. Just figuring out what works best for each individual.

And sometimes, you know, and it changes and it changes depending on what the topic is and where you are and what's going on. And, you know, I wish it were as easy as just, you know, you find out this one thing and you can use it forever. But, you know, but it's.

Herb: 00:38:28

Yeah. That's why we call ourselves education at home and not homeschooling, because homeschooling is, is kind of a particular thing.

It's like replicating school at home. But education at home is where you start educating your children. You start giving them that love of learning.

And once they start that, that, that field, it's like, like your son, it's like he pulls his own right interest in. He loves learning now and he'll never stop. That's something that doesn't.

But, you know, when kids end up going to school, they, oh, like, oh, man, I can't wait till I graduate. Then I don't ever have to go to school anymore. I can stop this learning stuff.

And then they get out in the real world and there's a lot more learning that they have to do. But there's. It's different and they, in a lot of times, they, they push against it.

So giving them that love of learning, especially through education at home, which is what you did, you went through so many different modalities. And, and it all. It was about education and not necessarily right.

Stephanie: 00:39:26

Academics, it's about like teaching them how to learn, not what to learn. You know, if they, if they can, if they know how to go out and find any information that they want, they'll be totally fine.

And then I would say the, the new, it's not really new, I guess, but learning to decipher and the.

All of your sources, like, that's really important that, you know, to look at Lots of different sources of information, especially when it comes to just like news and those kinds of things. I mean, you know, factual information.

But even that can be outdated and people can, they will take one study of something and, you know, say that it's true for everything, Even if like 10 other studies are opposed to it. So but just like reminding them to look at their sources, like, check it out, don't believe everything that you see or read or hear and look at.

Kristina: 00:40:27

Like opposing viewpoints and then find out where you fall either in the middle or closer to one side or the other kind of thing.

Stephanie: 00:40:33

Right, Absolutely.

Kristina: 00:40:34

Yeah, exactly. So going back to that word busy is one of the last questions I was thinking about asking you is like, how did you manage that?

Because you did say that at one point you guys were doing more things out of the house than kind of in house with their learning and things like that. How did you balance that busy so that they weren't overwhelmed with too many things to do.

Because I think that's one thing that families tend to go for is like, oh, well, now I have to take them here and here and here and here because they aren't having school experience. But what we really want is that settled. Solid learning as well.

Stephanie: 00:41:07

Yeah.

So I think probably in the very beginning I might have been doing a little too much and they would be tired and they're like, do we really have to go do that? But it's going to be so fun. And I started just asking them, like, okay, here are all the ideas of things that I have for us to do.

What are the ones that you actually want to do? And just like letting them be part of the decision making process. And I feel like once we did that, that's when things got easier to balance.

Or we would be like, okay, well we're only going to do one thing per day. Or you know, maybe there's two things that's one day, but we won't do anything the next day. So we have a day at home and we can just rest.

But gosh, until they both started driving, I like, I spent all of my time driving them to things because. But it was all things that they wanted to do. Like, it was never anything that I like, was telling them that they had to do.

Right now my daughter, she, she doesn't need to be as busy as my son does. He like genuinely likes to be busy doing things most of the time.

So it got a little easier with her because she decided like, she didn't want to do certain, like she didn't want to do gymnastics anymore. She. I can't even remember some of the things that she used to do. But then. But my son still, he does, like I said, Boy Scouts. He's in oa.

He's in a crew now. He plays the guitar, he plays the drums. He takes Japanese twice a week.

He has a part time job at Culver's and he takes two classes at the community college. I might be leaving something out, I'm not sure, but. But now that he can drive himself. Oh, my goodness. I just like, my whole life changed back in.

last year. Yeah. Like in: 2023

Herb: 00:43:08

It was worth the increase in your insurance.

Kristina: 00:43:11

Yes.

Stephanie: 00:43:12

It really was just for him to be able to drive everywhere. So.

Herb: 00:43:16

Yeah, I remember like the, the very. The day after I got my driver's license, one of my sisters says, oh, hey, I need to go here. And dad threw the keys at me.

Stephanie: 00:43:28

It's your turn to be the shower.

Kristina: 00:43:29

They.

Herb: 00:43:29

I was paying for my, for my increase in insurance. So every time my sisters had to go somewhere my parents didn't have to drive them now I did.

Stephanie: 00:43:37

So.

Herb: 00:43:38

Yeah, I understand. I kind of understand.

Stephanie: 00:43:42

Yeah. But so, yeah, just making them part of the decision making process as far as keeping the balance, I feel like is really important. So.

Herb: 00:43:52

Yeah, but, but don't, don't give them the choice. Give them input into it. But really the parents still.

Well, some things, yeah, make them part of the decision making process, but you still have veto power. And.

Stephanie: 00:44:09

When it comes to traveling also. Yeah, like we would present like, okay, here are three different trip ideas that we have. Let's vote as a family. Like, which one do you want to do?

And so that was fun because, you know, then they felt like more part of the process. Like we knew based on timing what we could. What we could fit in, you know, around working and that kind of thing.

And so like, it's like, okay, we can do these three different things. Here are ideas for each location and what we could do there. And then they would also do some research on their own.

Like once we picked someplace that we would go, like find at least one thing that you want to make sure we get that, you know, that you get to see and that we do. And I always really like that.

Herb: 00:44:51

And how much easier was that without having to take your kids out of a public school?

Kristina: 00:44:55

All right.

Stephanie: 00:44:55

Oh, my God. So much easier.

Herb: 00:44:58

Your vacations could be off season. They could be in the middle of the week they could be where, when, when it's not busy time. So you're not having.

Stephanie: 00:45:06

That's my proud. Yes, we always.

It's harder now that my son's taking college classes because we actually have to work around a school schedule again, which is kind of frustrating, but it's so beneficial for him. But before, before he started that we just only traveled on. Off, off peak times.

Kristina: 00:45:26

Yeah.

Stephanie: 00:45:27

Like we, if we did something in the summer, like, I don't know, we would just try to go places that other people weren't go. Like we would. That's not. When we would go visit Florida or someplace, you know, we would go see other places, parts of the country.

But yeah, just never on a school break. Never travel on a school break.

Kristina: 00:45:46

Excellent. Oh, man.

Stephanie, this has been a wonderful conversation and I know our audience is going to get a lot of benefit just from hearing, let alone, you know, the different kinds of schooling there is out there that they can choose from and then your own family experiences and that communication. So I really appreciate that.

As we begin to wrap up a little bit though, is there anything that you wanted to say today that maybe we didn't get to as we were kind of wandering through all those topics.

Stephanie: 00:46:09

I guess, and I think I said it without saying it in so many words, but just knowing, being confident enough in your choice to educate at home, to know that it's okay to, to change and it's okay to pivot and to make a decision to try something different. Like you don't have to stick with something that's not working. You know, get your kids involved in the decision making process.

Let them make some of those choices.

Sometimes you may not understand, like, why they're wanting to try a certain thing, but, you know, go ahead and let them, let them experiment because now's the time for them to do it.

When, when you're with them and you can, you're, you're there, you know, as your, as the safety net instead of they, you know, they leave the house, you know, and go live on their own for. Or go to college or whatever they decide to do. And then they suddenly have all this freedom and they don't know how to fail.

Like, let them fail with you.

Kristina: 00:47:06

So, yeah, I love that.

Herb: 00:47:08

One other thing that you said that goes along with that is it's better to start early, but it's never too late to start. So if you haven't started yet, and it's like, oh, wow, I should have started two years ago. Oh, I should have started last year.

Now is the perfect time.

Stephanie: 00:47:24

Yep. Absolutely. And even if your children are older, like adults, that doesn't mean that you can't change the relationship.

You know, maybe you did some things differently, but you see the world differently now. Just start making those changes at any time.

I spoke with someone recently that did that with her adult children, and their relationship has completely transformed. So, yeah, like you. Like you said it. Start. Start now. Start, like, just start now. Anytime is better than no time.

Kristina: 00:47:53

Awesome. And one last thing. Go ahead and give our audience the information to be able to reach out to you if you said something that sparks their interest.

If they have questions for you, where can they contact you and get a little bit more?

Stephanie: 00:48:05

Yeah. So you can go to my website, which is wanderlearneducationalempowerment.com and that's Wander with a Wa because it also incorporates travel.

And my email is stephanie@wanderlearneducationalempowerment.com those are the best ways to get a hold of me, and I would love to speak with anyone. I just. I love bringing people awareness into this life and, you know, just. It's just so much more peaceful and joyful, and I just.

I wish it for the world. I really do.

Kristina: 00:48:39

Exactly.

Stephanie: 00:48:40

Excellent.

Herb: 00:48:41

We'll have the links down in the bottom because that is a really long name, and I doubt it. It's gonna be able to just type that off the top of their head. So the links will be down below.

Kristina: 00:48:50

Absolutely.

Stephanie: 00:48:51

Great. Thank you.

Kristina: 00:48:52

You're very, very welcome. All right, audience, as we begin to wrap up again, Stephanie, thank you for being here.

Thank you for your insight, your wisdom, and those nuggets that you dropped along the way. And so families, make sure you' taking them with you and then using them to help us create healthy, happy, and successful children into our future.

Herb: 00:49:09

Yeah. Thank you for being here. Thank you for sharing your story.

Thank you for sharing your journey and the ups and the downs and the mistakes and the corrections and all of that. It's. It's. It's a great story. So thank you for being here and sharing today.

Stephanie: 00:49:20

Thank you.

Kristina: 00:49:21

All right, audience, that is it for this episode. Please make sure you give us a, like, a love, a return, no review.

That's what I was hoping to say about this show so that we can bring it out to lots of other people. And if you are of finding value, please share it with other families that maybe are looking for an educational change. Until next time. Bye for now.

Herb: 00:49:41

Bye for now.