Episode 14 - Married 30 years? How did that happen?

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hello and welcome to Bringing Education Home.

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I'm Herb.

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And I'm Christina.

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Together we are bringing you ideas about education, entrepreneurship,

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and relationship that are both inside and outside the box.

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If you like the show, be sure to follow Christina on Facebook and leave us

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review on your favorite podcast platform today we have the pleasure of talking

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her and Christina, we are today going to be talking about our origin story

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about when we met and h how we got together and what happened exactly.

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We've told you before that we've been married for over

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30 years, and I can say that.

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31 years, October 19th, 1991 is when we actually had our

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marriage ceremony in the church.

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But her voice says I always say that I got married when I made that

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commitment to her that I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life.

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So for me, that was slightly actually before I asked her to marry me.

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But it was at the point that she said, yes, that, that we.

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Together forever from that point.

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So, um, 32, almost 33 years.

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So, yeah, so I've been married to her a little longer than

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she's been married to me.

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And I used to say be, because if the ceremony meant anything, then 50% of

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marriages wouldn't have ended in divorce.

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And that was when we got married.

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And that rate, A lot higher, but you know, there are some caveats to that.

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So for instance, like the first time you're married Those last a lot

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longer, but if you've been divorced once, then the likelihood of getting

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divorced a second and a third and multiple times goes way, way up.

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So the 50% of marriages that end in divorce, a lot of those are ended by the

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same people multiple times, so Exactly.

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And we're not, of course, advocating anybody staying in a harmful relationship.

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Yep.

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Not at all.

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But we definitely want people to think about making a true commitment.

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If possible.

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If possible, exactly.

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Because one of the things that really helped us keep together is

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because from that moment on, there was never a point where it wasn't

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us, it was always us from then on.

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That, that commitment.

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Only had to be made one time.

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Exactly.

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And it doesn't mean that I don't have friends that he doesn't have,

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or he doesn't have friends that I have, or we don't spend time apart.

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It's just that there really is a really strong commitment that no matter what,

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we're gonna make things work together.

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And that started all the way back in college because that's where we met.

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Yes.

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So my recollection of how we met this is was in 1989, and it

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was in September because it was at the start of the school year.

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Actually it's August because school starts in September.

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Private college.

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We started in August, right?

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Yeah.

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And actually it was the week before school started, so it was the freshman.

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Orientation week, and I was working, I was a sophomore in college at that time,

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and I was working in the bookstore and I knew quite a few people because I'm I

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was just very well known at, at college.

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And I had some problems that summer and got to come back

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to college a little early.

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And so I, I was.

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Back at college a week early and was helping the bookstore set up for, um,

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freshman orientation, for freshman orientation, freshman book ordering and

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buying and for the rest of the classes.

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So the freshman got to come in.

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Earlier than everybody else, but they all came in at once.

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Exactly.

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And I was a freshman that year, so of course that's how all of this got started.

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He was there, I was there.

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It wasn't full on school yet, but there was an interesting encounter.

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Yes.

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I was, I'm very much into efficiency and there was a whole lot of people clogging

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up my bookstore, . I knew where all the books were, so I was helping people.

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I had a button that said, how can I help?

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And so I was, I would take their list and get their books and handed to them

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so that they wouldn't spend so much time.

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And she came in with a couple of her friends, Uhhuh , and.

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Uh, I, I do actually remember them, but not quite as vividly as Christina

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remembers me because this was how I was going throughout the day.

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Cuz so I asked her for her list and she's like, no, I'm with my friends.

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I'll get my books.

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And I'm like, no, you don't understand.

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You'll just get in the way.

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This says, how can I help?

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Give me your list.

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I took her list.

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I got all of her books.

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Took like a minute and her friends were wandering around and I'm

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trying to get the list from her friends and just not happening.

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So they spent like half an hour wandering around the bookstore while

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with her carrying her whole stack of books just ready to go, and I'm

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helping people all around them.

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And so, I remember them kind of being in the.

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So I remember it a little bit differently.

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So of course I was there with my friends freshmen, of course.

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We were wandering around going, oh cool, look at this cool thing in

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the bookstore and this cool thing.

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And we were there to get books.

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We were all able, you know, looking around, seeing what's available because

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we were brand new freshman at the school and there's, this guy walks up

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to me, and he says, how can I help you?

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And we're like, we're good.

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We're gonna look around.

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And I remember him just taking my list out of my hand.

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And at that point I was completely awestruck because here was this

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tall, dark longhaired guy in a jean jacket with his button.

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This side, let me help you.

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And I.

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I've never noticed anybody like him before.

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He's pretty handsome.

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And then of course he grabs his book and grabs my books and gives them back to me,

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and I'm just like totally awestruck the rest of the wander around the bookstore.

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I'm not sure how much longer later this was, but then something that never

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happened to me before happened is a girl came into the bookstore when I was

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working and kind of walked up to me and said, Hey, I've been seeing you talk

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with lots of girls and be with lots of girls around, how come you never

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come over and talk to me or see me?

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And I didn't know what to necessarily say there.

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So it was all, like she said other stuff to me, but I wasn't there anymore.

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I'm not sure how much longer it took, maybe a day or two.

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Uhhuh, , but then I tried to find her.

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Now, my freshman year, we, we both went to Pacific University, obviously my

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freshman year I stayed in Clark Hall.

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My second year I stayed in Marsh Hall and she was her first year in

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Walter Hall, and I had never spent any time in, Walter wasn't real familiar

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with it, so she I went looking for her because I kind of remember.

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Walter something, something Walter conversation, something, something

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girl like Is, is talking to me about how come you haven't come talk to me.

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And, and while, yes.

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While I was talking with lots of girls that that was a unique thing that, that

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happened because yeah I was, I was very much a flirt, but I was also very much.

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Every I was like very safe.

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So yes was, which was the best way to put it.

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So like girls were bringing their moms and grandmas to meet me, and

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I would be just as flirty with the moms and grandmas as I was with all.

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And so everybody kind of loved me, but this the way

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she came at that was a little.

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. Now, this is to totally not me.

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If you know me, I'm not a person to just step out there like that.

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But over the week, between the time he gave me my books and

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the week I went back and said to him, why don't you come visit me?

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And I still don't know why or how I did that, except I was

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really infatuated with this guy.

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I kept looking out the window of the dorm and I would see him walk

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across the courtyard with a girl.

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. And then later I'd see him walk across the courtyard with a different girl.

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And then later I'd see him walk across the courtyard with a different girl.

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And I was like, wow, is he really with that many people or what?

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But it, like I said, it was just one of those things, it's like I knew I

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needed to try to get to know him a little better, but he came to find me.

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He ended up at my best friend's door down the hall.

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I, oh, I ended up at a lot of doors.

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Rushed, I ended up at a lot of doors before I even found the right hallway

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So I didn't know that.

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Yeah.

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So it wasn't that I was looking for her friend, it was just me trying to like zero

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in and get, figure out where that was.

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And and then when I actually.

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Found her room cuz her, her roommate or her friend brought me over there.

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There was another dude there.

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Hitting on her like they were this together thing.

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And I was somehow intruding on this moment.

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So it's like I, I was also very confused by this, so I actually

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made friends with the dudes.

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We played darts, , he got rid of him for me, , that was pretty funny cause

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I, you know, he was interested in me.

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I wasn't so interested in him.

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It was.

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Freshman things, orientation, you know, getting to know people.

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But anyway, so that's how I started.

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And for me it was basically love at first sight.

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And I am so blessed that my instincts were correct and right, because I picked a good

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one, a guy who cares for me and takes care of me and loves me and is committed to me.

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And I was so very blessed to.

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Find the right guy right away.

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And, and obviously she feels that way about me, that me being with all of

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the different girls wasn't me being No.

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With all of those different girls.

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It it was, like I said, I was just that guy that everybody liked and, and all

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the guys too, it's like guys with their girlfriends would come up and talk to me.

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I would like play with the girls' ears while it was so, and it just

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blew me away that all of that would be happening and the guys would

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be looking at me and the girl and they didn't care cuz they knew me.

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And I was just that guy that could do that.

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Exactly.

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And I was incredibly, like I said, I was incredibly safe cause.

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Of the way I am.

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It's like I, I can't hurt people.

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So there was just this really, so when she came at me like that, it's

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like she this is, this is different.

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Oh, but, so anyway, as we got to know each other and grew closer and closer,

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we decided, he decided to ask me to marry him, which was really, really amazing.

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And then soon thereafter we decided to get married and we had our first

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son, and then we had another son, and I was still finishing school.

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One thing that I think we've really been good at is hard work and good

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work ethic through teamwork together.

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And through learning together, we've been able to get through some

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very interesting ups and downs and circumstances throughout our lives.

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Yeah.

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We've been through fire is the way we put it.

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Yeah.

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We walked through fire to get to where we are.

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And from where we started with neither one of our, we were the first of.

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Both of our families to really graduate from college.

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Mm-hmm.

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. We had two kids by the time we got out of college and we still managed to graduate.

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Yep.

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We ended up in government subsidized housing because we were so broke and

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we worked our way out of that into our first rental, finishing college,

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and then into our first house.

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And we worked our way into businesses and just we never stopped and.

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It never really seemed like it.

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Everything always seemed like it was the same.

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We always had the same kind of things, but we, it was just more, it

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just was slowly getting better and then things like really started to

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get better and that's when I also.

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Traumatic brain injury kind of took us out.

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And so again, this is part of where it's like the, for better

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or for worse really kicks in.

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Really kicks in.

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But that was also the second time we really got kicked because the

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first time was when she got dizzy.

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Yeah.

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And that, that really slammed our forward progress and put us in the hole.

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Yeah.

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I was two years without work due to vertigo.

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So total like body instability.

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I had to basically retrain myself to walk and move and be able to be in a classroom

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because, you know, being a primary age teacher, second grade, eight year old,

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seven, eight year olds, a lot of movement.

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Um, when the vertigo was really, really bad, every time they moved,

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it would send me spinning as.

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And I couldn't handle being in the classroom.

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So for two years I was doing physical therapy and eye therapy and seeing doctors

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and doing everything we could to figure out what was going on with me and my body,

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and why this vertigo wouldn't go away.

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And so that we crashed financially during, yeah, financially, because

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we were a two income household and then suddenly we were one income

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household because I wasn't working.

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So like, and then we worked our way back out of that to start businesses again.

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And self-development again.

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Self-development again, and putting our family forward again and everything.

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And yeah, it was, and then it all fell apart again.

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No, not yet.

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We had our whole big real estate journey.

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Yeah.

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Yep.

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So that was really, really amazing.

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And that's when he, we decided that it was time for maybe Herb to step

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away from work and do something full-time in entrepreneurship.

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Especially because I had really busted up my body pretty bad.

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Mm-hmm.

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and I was in really bad shape physically, and so I was also taking

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the time to work on my health.

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So we had changed my diet, we had changed lifestyle.

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Um, there was so many.

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Aspects of change that was going on all at once.

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And it was also during this time where I took that final big hit on in my head.

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Yeah.

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And so the changes that were going on made me feel like I was

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going crazy and everything was falling apart at the same time.

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Some things were getting better, so.

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I can't imagine how bad things would've got had I not so actively

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already been working on my health.

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The amount of brain damage that, that I actually suffered, um, during that time.

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During that time, yeah.

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Is, is, yeah.

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But again, it's one of those things where commitment, for better, for worse, he's

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stuck by me for the two years and I could barely move at times, and I was so down.

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And then after his final blow for his traumatic brain injury, again, it's

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been, you know, commitment and love and caring for each other and making it.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So yeah, way back from the start, uh, if I had known it was going

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to be like this I would do it anyway just because it's with her.

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I would jump in feet first, hopefully, knowing I would

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be able to change some of it.

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. Um, but I also know that when we do make it to the other side when,

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cuz we do just keep going mm-hmm.

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And so when, if you just keep going, you will eventually make it.

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So when we do eventually, Stop having to worry about money and move to a

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place where we get to worry about other things besides money because

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you don't stop having problems.

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They, they just change.

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It would be really nice if money wasn't

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It wasn't one of them.

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If the lack of money wasn't one of them.

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Exactly.

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But we're on our way again, we've decided that it was time to.

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Jump out there and do the entrepreneurship full-time again.

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And so that's where we're at.

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Like I was saying is, is when we get there, we know that we're gonna

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be together cuz there's nothing that's worth losing her or coming

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between us because we've, we've been to the point where was like, well,

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shit, where were you gonna sleep?

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But, Also we've been, he's been at the doghouse a few times, but never outside.

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We've also, outside, we've also been in, in Acapulco, in pools with millionaires

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at the Mexico mansion in a pool sipping tequila, looking at a sunset.

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That went on forever.

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That went on forever.

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So, It's like, you know, we, we've been on all sides of it and I would

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rather be the part, nowhere else except beside him doing everything.

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The, the, the, my favorite part of all of it is, is being right next to her.

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So, you know that, that.

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, good or bad, you know, way better.

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Good.

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Because when the tensions get bad, you know, sometimes the

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communication can get a little tense.

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Mm-hmm.

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, but even then we als, there's also this deep sense of knowing that no

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matter how bad it gets, we're still.

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Here.

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For each other.

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For each other, exactly.

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So there's a little bit about us and how we've been together for as

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many years as we've been together.

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And you know, we like to think that we might have some pearls of wisdom.

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So if you ever want to chat with us a little bit more about our adventures

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in marriage or our adventures in relationship, no, we got a lot of stories.

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We'd be happy to chat with you a little bit more.

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But also, you know, so.

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You just need a listening ear from someone who's had a lot of experience.

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So maybe you're a newer couple who, um, is just starting out

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and have or hit a rough patch.

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You know, it works.

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So talk to people.

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So maybe give us a, give us a chat, give us a message.

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Um, we will come back another time with our entrepreneur story.

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We alluded to it a little bit throughout our.

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Story today, but mostly we wanna give you a full background of where we were,

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where, what we've come through, and how we're still together after I say

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31 years, but he says about 33 years.

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33.

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Just, it's just what?

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Uh, longer than her.

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. All right, everybody.

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Well, I hope you enjoyed our story and.

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Thoughts for today, and we'll be back another time and we'll also be bringing

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on lots of new guests coming up.

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We have an international guest coming up in the next couple of weeks.

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We have some more school ideas, we have some more entrepreneurial ideas,

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and sooner or later we'll get back to another chat on relationship ideas.

Speaker: 00:19:01

Thank you for joining us today and have a wonderful day and thank you for